GIVE YOURSELF GRACE

Grace.  This one word is all but lost in our society.  Grace from my personal perspective and experience is seemingly getting unmerited favor, what I don’t deserve.  The best example that I can give describes God as full of Mercy and Grace.  His mercy shut the door to Hell through Christ on the Cross, BUT His GRACE opened the door to Heaven.  Grace what a beautiful concept that is only fully illustrated by a Holy and Just God.

Last night I attended the last Mom’s Night Out for the school year.  (Boy am I bummed about that, but for a whole other reason!!!)  I was talking with another mother who has also suffered the loss of a little one and has since gone on to have two beautiful baby boys.  One of these little ones was in attendance last night since he is only six weeks old.  We were discussing life, everything that has happened with my Mom and the healing in my heart from the hospital experience.  I was telling her, stating really how I feel like I’ve failed the kiddos this year because life has thrown us so many curves.  My expectations of “what” we should be doing are high, I often demand more of myself than I expect of anyone else, and if I have not checked everything off my to-do list, I feel like a failure.

This beautiful woman smiled at me, touched my arm and said: “You need to give yourself some grace.” 

That one sentence hit me like a ton of bricks.  I need to give myself some grace.  More than that, I need to offer myself forgiveness.  I need to remember that no one expects perfection from me; my very best is often mediocre in reality.  No one is constantly looking over my shoulder and going to tell me that since we haven’t made 100 art projects, my 5 year old is not fluent in Latin and reading at a 6^th grade level, and that my 12 year olds college dissertation is not done that I am a failure.  BUT I think that I am!  WHY?  I’m not extending myself grace.

Throughout this past year we have all been learning and growing together.  My children have watched their parents at their lowest moments and seen them learn how to trust God in ways that they themselves could never have imagined.  They have seen real grief.  They have seen real love.  They have learned how to rely on each other and what it means to really be a family.  They have learned how to cook and clean like never before.  They have learned how to identify new animals in the yard while at the same time they are helping Mom deal with a baby that quickly changed into a toddler.  They are not behind; they are right where they need to be.  I have not failed them, they are flourishing.  So why can’t I extend myself any grace?

I think that the answer is because I feel judged.  I know that there are people who are waiting for me to mess up so they can quickly point out my faults and failures to build themselves up.  That’s their issue, not mine, BUT I make it mine.  I put that guilt on my plate, dress is it up in a pretty package and stew over it.  IF I don’t have 10 smiling children at my children’s birthday party then I’m a failure.  If I don’t create the perfect family photo showcasing the perfect family then I’m a failure.  If my children aren’t above average in everything and playing every sport, musical instrument, and pulling straight A’s then I’m a failure.  If my house is not spotless with laundry done perfectly then I’m a failure.  Truthfully, I’m not a failure, I’m just me.  An imperfect person in a fallen sin cursed world that needs to be reminded every now and again that because of Christ’s work through me, I’m enough!

Thank you Nicole for that reminder last night! I think that I will extend myself some grace and hopefully in learning how to extend it to myself; I will be able to extend it to others in a better fashion.

 Grace, what a beautiful concept; getting something that you don’t deserve just because you are unique and special and you!