RECLAIMING JOY

I have a confession to make.  I am not always the BEST mommy in the world.  Here lately it seems like even being a mediocre mommy is a struggle.  I am struggling with a lot right now, nothing overly specific, but life in general can be challenging.  So, I have done the only thing that I can do, I’ve taken it to the throne room and prayed, confessed, and prayed some more.  The end result is that I know that I need to change the way that I do some things.  In short, I need to purpose to get my joy back.

You see, if I am being totally honest, I am not always joyful.   My house is cluttered and messier than I like and can tolerate.  The meals that I prepare aren’t always what I want to eat.  I am not always content in my surroundings and with what I have.  I often grumble and complain instead of building others up.  More often than not I let the cares of this world impact my emotions and responses to my children.  I have an idea of perfection and I feel judged by others constantly.  I live trapped in my world of insecurities and don’t purpose to listen or believe what God through Christ is telling me.

  In spite of myself, God is working through me.  He has been encouraging me in my quiet time, reminding me of who I am in Him, where my worth comes from, and what I need is not more stuff but more Christ!  I don’t need to be perfect, I need to be a real and honest person and that is what makes me the BEST mommy in town, the mama that I strive to be. 

Part of being real is admitting my joy has been lacking.  Life happens, and it can be hard. In all honesty, I haven’t had much joy since Samuel died almost two years ago.  I have had abundant blessings, but I have still struggled with the why’s and why me’s that can come with life.  Through prayer I have seen my need for a deeper fellowship and a more intimate walk with Christ.  I have also been give a renewed zeal for the kiddo’s school and a desire to “take back” my life and my home one step at a time.  Little changes have been made, and I can already see a difference.  More than seeing the difference, I can feel the difference.

I am far from perfect.  I have yearly, monthly, weekly, daily, hour by hour, and moment by moment struggles.  The struggles are real.  The challenges are real.  The good news is that my God is even bigger and more than willing to renew and refresh me when I sit at His feet and enjoy His fellowship.  When I do this, I am not so frazzled not so short, and more apt to sing and dance joyfully!

I know that I will continue to have struggles.  I will continue to feel frazzled by the ebb and flow of life.  I will continue to battle the doubts that plague me, but more than that I will continue to grow as I am challenged, stretched, and perfected by my Creator who is molding me into the BEST MOMMY IN TOWN!  For me right now, that is enough.