Lately I have noticed a trend, especially within
the confines of my personal life. People
feel that they are free to do or say whatever they choose to me or my family
about the choices that we make, the way we parent, or our family size. Most of the time I purpose to shake these
remarks off. Sometimes I am successful at
letting the remarks roll of my back, like water off a ducks back. I know that the people are doing this because
they care. In reality this unwarranted advice
is often hurtful, unfounded, and sometimes just plain rude.
I am not perfect, far from it. I will readily admit to my lack of perfection
on any given day at any given moment.
However, the way that I purposefully choose to live my life within the confines
of my immediate family, specifically my husband and my children, is just that;
my life. The choices that are made that
affect my family are not choices that we take lightly. Most people do not understand the dynamic of
our family. They do not see how Robert
and I discuss and research what we feel are the best choices for our
lives. They do not see the time that we
spend in prayer, purposefully seeking God’s will for our lives. They do not see the in depth family
conversations we have, purposefully asking the children how they think or feel
about a thought or idea we are have about something that will affect our
family. They do not see how the children
willingly and actively seek Robert and me out before they do anything. All that people see is the results of our choices,
and we are judged harshly for them.
I do not need to be told how to parent, how my
children should or should not respond to me is quite frankly none of your
business. If I am not concerned with
their responses, if I am pleased with their heart attitudes, if I know that
they are responding to me with a joke that is known to our family, then take
your cues for me. Your thoughts are
irrelevant to the matter. The choices
that I make in our family’s grocery intake, entertainment choices, and even my
medical care choices are, in all honesty, none of your concern. If my family is thriving, if they are relatively
happy and are productive members of society, then my husband and I, their
parents, have done our jobs. Who they
associate with, talks to, and how they learn and grow are, with all due
respect, none of your business. If my
family is happy, that is all that matters to me. Your thoughts and valued
ideals are not my
priority.
Raising my children according to what we believe
is of import and is what matters most. We purposefully follow Proverbs 22:6, “Teach a youth about the way he should
go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” (HCSB). For us this means following a Biblical life
model as well as teaching behavior that encourages the growth of a child as an individual. Trust me, as the mother of five kiddos, I can
tell you that all my children are different and should be and will be treated
as such.
I do not offer unsolicited advice. It’s not my place to tell you how to manage
your home or your life. I will willingly
come alongside you if you ask for my help, but I will not be intrusive. It doesn’t matter that I’m your mother,
sister, aunt, or friend. My ideals are
mine, they aren’t yours and the way that works for me might not work for
you. However, I am going to break my
rule today and quote a rule I found in my new mommy handbook from my prenatal
provider. Ready? Here it is:
'We
don’t need your advice. Seriously. You might think
you
have a better way of doing something.
That’s great, but
now is not the time to offer it. Go home,
type up your advice in an email. Proof read your email, twice, and
then wait. If it still seems important,
send it to us in two
weeks."
I think that this is sound advice. I don’t have to justify any of my life
choices to anyone. I won’t be justifying
any of my life choices to anyone. I will
defend my children and stand behind them all the time. If I don’t ask for it, I don’t need your advice,
input, or parenting “wisdom”. I am
pleased with my family. Most
importantly, my husband is pleased with my family. Take my sound advice and stop offering yours.