STRIPPING AWAY: The Loss of the Dream

Recently Robert heard a message by Dr. Tony Evans about allowing God to strip away all ideas of self and allowing God to pour into your life what He wanted, His dreams for you.  I agreed with everything that my husband shared.  It all sounded good in theory.  After all, what Christ Follower doesn’t want to have all of God that they can?  I know that I don’t want to limit myself from being what God wants me to be, so half heartedly I prayed that God would have His way in my life!  I didn't know what I was in for!

OUCH!  Being stripped of self is hard!  It hurts!  It causes pain to put yourself out there and be  attacked by people, people that are supposed to care for you, love you, and support you.  BUT, I told God that He could have His way in my life.  I meant it.  Then the dream was crushed.  To many people it is no big deal.  Most people will conclude that the discontinuation of my dream is because I can’t follow through with anything.  Most people have already judged my heart and my motives and believe that they are correct.  BUT, when that moment arrived where I was so close to realizing my dream and then I was told that I could not; I was devastated.  I couldn’t sleep that night.  My heart hurt.  I got up the next morning teary eyed and finally did what I should have done from the beginning; I went to my prayer closet.  I shut the door and sobbed.  BUT, I told God that I wanted His will for my life, even at the cost of my dream.  That’s when He showed me that my dream was not to bring Him glory, but to bring me glory.  What I am doing right now, being a wife and a mother is what I am supposed to be doing.  I am not supposed to be pursuing my dream right now.  I am supposed to be pursuing God’s dream.  As I confessed my selfishness and pride, praise songs came pouring out of my mouth as hot tears ran down my face. 

So, being stripped by God hurts, a lot!  I am giving up a dream that I have had to pursue God’s dream for me.  I continue to endure the remarks, attitudes, and comments by those who do not know what I am walking through.  In spite of them, I want to continue to praise.  Being stripped away of myself is not fun.  BUT, I know that as God pours into me more of Him, I will be more beautiful than I was before.  So my dream is not a go right now.  Guess what, I am okay with that.  WHY?  Because God’s dream is so much better than anything that I can imagine, I want His dream more than mine; even when it hurts.