DEATH AND GRIEF

Life is so fragile.  Oftentimes we believe that we are invincible, able to do and withstand anything.  We live our lives as if we have all the time in the world.  We do not take the time to do the little things, like hug our loved ones close.  We often think that we have forever, that life on earth will last.  There is no sense of urgency, we think that have all the tomorrow’s that we need.  The reality is that we have no guarantees of anything, let alone tomorrow.

Recently our lives have been hit by a tragedy that has brought us to our knees.  Maggie’s best friend Kelly, a beautiful child of 14, lay down to take a nap and never woke back up.  This beautiful girl had battled asthma and lung issues her entire life.  Her asthma finally won the battle, and we lost her.  The tears that have fallen in our home, myself included, are too numerous to count.  Instead of planning a spring break beach trip where the girls talk about their swimsuits, we are discussing what clothes to bury her in and what should be worn at the funereal.  Instead of laughter at singing favorite songs, we are weeping over the reminder of the beauty of this precious friend.  Instead of laughter, giggles, and smiles there are tears.   

My heart as a mother is so broken that I can’t begin to describe the pain seeing my daughter in pain brings me.  Her tears are a reminder that I can’t walk this path for her.  She has to mourn and grieve in her own way, and I have to step back and watch.  This is not a role that I am good at.  I want to take the pain for her; I want to heal her hurts.  I want her to be two where a kiss on the boo-boo mends everything.  But, I can’t do this.  I have to sit back and watch her walk this path and I have to allow her to grieve in her own way and in her own time.

My heart also breaks for this sweet girl’s family.  I have wept hearing their heartache.  I have sobbed praying for them, asking God to give me some of their grief so that they don’t have to bear this burden alone.  I have cried out to God on their behalf, praying for the mama who has lost her baby of 14 years and begging God to heal their hearts and their hurts.  I have sobbed for them, broken in a way that I have never felt before.  I am torn for this family in a way that I have never felt in my life.  I am crushed, I am broken, and I am devastated.

Grief is a funny thing.  It makes us stop and think about what is important and why it is important.  Grief also makes us question things in a new light. I have never doubted God’s love for me, but I have struggled with this.  I have struggled with the death of this precious baby.  I have struggled with the feelings that this death has brought up with regards to my baby boy’s death a year and a half ago.  I have struggled with the pain that my daughter is dealing with.  I have hurt in ways that I’ve never experienced before.  This venture in grief has been so hard, so new, and so raw.

I do know some things that I can cling to.  The Bible tells us that Jesus wept at the death His friend Lazarus.   This is not to show us that He wasn’t God or unable to heal, rather I believe it is to show us that Christ understands our pain.  Jesus wept because of the pain that death has brought to our lives, to the world.  Death is not supposed to be, it is a result of sin, and sin has destroyed us.  BUT, through Christ, we can rejoice in life and know that in Him we have peace and the access to eternal life.  In the midst of my sorrows, I cling to this truth. 

We will miss Kelly more than words can express.  We will miss her smiles, laughter, and contagious joy.  I will miss the confidence that she empowered Maggie with, the joy that just a short phone conversation brought to my daughter, and the laughter; most of all I think that I will miss the laughter of these two girls just being friends.

Kelly’s brother called to check on Maggie and to tell Maggie just how special she was to Kelly, how much Kelly loved her.  I was amazed that he did that.  In his pain he thought enough of my daughter, his sister’s best friend, to reach out and see if she was okay and to remind her that she was loved and is loved by their family.  I want to tell these precious people that we love them and that Kelly was loved by us all.  I want them to know that we mourn with them and for them.  More than that, I want them to know that Jesus understands too, and he weeps and mourns with us all.

We are in the midst of mourning and walking a new path.  Our hearts and lives are a lot better because of this beautiful girl named Kelly.  We will miss her greatly!