DEATH AND GRIEF

Life is so fragile.  Oftentimes we believe that we are invincible, able to do and withstand anything.  We live our lives as if we have all the time in the world.  We do not take the time to do the little things, like hug our loved ones close.  We often think that we have forever, that life on earth will last.  There is no sense of urgency, we think that have all the tomorrow’s that we need.  The reality is that we have no guarantees of anything, let alone tomorrow.

Recently our lives have been hit by a tragedy that has brought us to our knees.  Maggie’s best friend Kelly, a beautiful child of 14, lay down to take a nap and never woke back up.  This beautiful girl had battled asthma and lung issues her entire life.  Her asthma finally won the battle, and we lost her.  The tears that have fallen in our home, myself included, are too numerous to count.  Instead of planning a spring break beach trip where the girls talk about their swimsuits, we are discussing what clothes to bury her in and what should be worn at the funereal.  Instead of laughter at singing favorite songs, we are weeping over the reminder of the beauty of this precious friend.  Instead of laughter, giggles, and smiles there are tears.   

My heart as a mother is so broken that I can’t begin to describe the pain seeing my daughter in pain brings me.  Her tears are a reminder that I can’t walk this path for her.  She has to mourn and grieve in her own way, and I have to step back and watch.  This is not a role that I am good at.  I want to take the pain for her; I want to heal her hurts.  I want her to be two where a kiss on the boo-boo mends everything.  But, I can’t do this.  I have to sit back and watch her walk this path and I have to allow her to grieve in her own way and in her own time.

My heart also breaks for this sweet girl’s family.  I have wept hearing their heartache.  I have sobbed praying for them, asking God to give me some of their grief so that they don’t have to bear this burden alone.  I have cried out to God on their behalf, praying for the mama who has lost her baby of 14 years and begging God to heal their hearts and their hurts.  I have sobbed for them, broken in a way that I have never felt before.  I am torn for this family in a way that I have never felt in my life.  I am crushed, I am broken, and I am devastated.

Grief is a funny thing.  It makes us stop and think about what is important and why it is important.  Grief also makes us question things in a new light. I have never doubted God’s love for me, but I have struggled with this.  I have struggled with the death of this precious baby.  I have struggled with the feelings that this death has brought up with regards to my baby boy’s death a year and a half ago.  I have struggled with the pain that my daughter is dealing with.  I have hurt in ways that I’ve never experienced before.  This venture in grief has been so hard, so new, and so raw.

I do know some things that I can cling to.  The Bible tells us that Jesus wept at the death His friend Lazarus.   This is not to show us that He wasn’t God or unable to heal, rather I believe it is to show us that Christ understands our pain.  Jesus wept because of the pain that death has brought to our lives, to the world.  Death is not supposed to be, it is a result of sin, and sin has destroyed us.  BUT, through Christ, we can rejoice in life and know that in Him we have peace and the access to eternal life.  In the midst of my sorrows, I cling to this truth. 

We will miss Kelly more than words can express.  We will miss her smiles, laughter, and contagious joy.  I will miss the confidence that she empowered Maggie with, the joy that just a short phone conversation brought to my daughter, and the laughter; most of all I think that I will miss the laughter of these two girls just being friends.

Kelly’s brother called to check on Maggie and to tell Maggie just how special she was to Kelly, how much Kelly loved her.  I was amazed that he did that.  In his pain he thought enough of my daughter, his sister’s best friend, to reach out and see if she was okay and to remind her that she was loved and is loved by their family.  I want to tell these precious people that we love them and that Kelly was loved by us all.  I want them to know that we mourn with them and for them.  More than that, I want them to know that Jesus understands too, and he weeps and mourns with us all.

We are in the midst of mourning and walking a new path.  Our hearts and lives are a lot better because of this beautiful girl named Kelly.  We will miss her greatly!

IT’S THE LITTLE THINGS

There is something about the little things in life that make life special and exciting.  There are times in our lives when the exciting and big things really matter and can make or break a day; but for most days it’s the little things that count the most.  Sadly most of us look past the little things and only concentrate on the big things and in doing so we miss out on major blessings.

Take for example, today.  Today was Saturday.  There was nothing extraordinary about today, just another day of life, just a day in the lives of our family.  Yet, looking for small blessings in the little things of today, I can see God’s hand everywhere with little blessings.  

Take this morning for example.  This morning started off as any other morning.  Jacob and I got up at 5:30 for his morning feeding and our serious conversation.  This morning we were joined by Robert who shared his ideas for Christmas gifts this year.  There the three of us were, snuggled in bed and looking at the gifts that Robert wants to give to his children and family to make memories this year.  This was a little thing, but it gave my heart a big blessing.

After we got Jacob back to sleep, Robert and I decided to NOT get up and go back to bed too.  We both slept until 8:30, but the three bigger boys were up by 7:00.  BUT, they did a little thing for us, John Robert and Ethan kept Cole occupied and fixed his breakfast so that we could sleep.  They even turned the coffee pot on for Robert to wake up to a cup of hot coffee.  Nothing out of the ordinary, the boys often keep Cole busy so I can sleep until 8:00 or so in the morning.  Today though, it was a huge blessing to let Robert and I both sleep in.  This is something that we haven’t done together since our St. Augustine trip last year.  Yep, it was another little thing that was a huge blessing.

Now that the whole family was up (Maggie wasn't home yet, she stayed with friends) it was time to get chores started.  Instead of starting the boys off on their chores, Robert decided to take them fishing.  This is not something out of the ordinary, but it was exciting for the boys.  They were bored quickly since the fish weren’t biting, but that didn’t matter.  They came home and all went to work on fixing the chicken coop. Robert, John Robert, Ethan, and even Cole stayed outside together and worked together to fix up the chicken coop.  Nothing extraordinary about this chore, keeping things clean in the chicken coop can be dirty but necessary work!  It was a needed chore that was made even more exciting because the boys were with their Daddy, their hero, a little thing like fishing and cleaning up a chicken coop that made for a big blessing. 

Finally it was time for us to get Maggie from her beach trip that turned into an impromptu slumber party.  Robert waited to go to work so he could pick her up while running his plants.  Nothing extra special about that, he has to work every weekend.  Yet, when Maggie came in she had a little thing for me, a “thank you” for letting her be a teen and have fun.  She brought me some Reese’s peanut butter cups.  A little thing really, just a small gift of thanks that for me is a huge blessing, I love that silly candy.

The Bible tells us in Psalm 118:24 that “This is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it.”  For us, that simple verse describes our day of ordinary little blessings.  There was nothing extra special about today.  It was a Saturday like every other Saturday in our family.  Yet, when we focus on the everyday little blessings, we find that we do have a lot to be thankful for and a lot to rejoice over.  Today was a great day, filled with the little things, and abundantly blessed because it was made for us by God.  In our house, it is the little things!

LOVE IS......

We have been so busy with our lives.  Jacob is going on two months old, I celebrated another birthday, and the big kiddos have started back to school full time.  Yes, our lives are full and busy, but we don’t mid.  Why?  Well mainly because our lives are full of love.

As I have been thinking about what we love, how we love, and why we love certain things; I have been pondering the idea of what LOVE really is.  Most people associate the word love with a feeling.  Personally, I think that we use the word too flippantly in our lives.  If we enjoy a good meal, be it a steak or a hot dog, oftentimes we say “I LOVE that!”  If we see something that catches our eye, a new car, a new toy, or in my case new bags or jewelry; we will say “I LOVE that!”  Yet, the reality is that love is more than a feeling or a flippant expression. 

Love is an action, a series of items that when combined give us a beautiful picture of love.  The best definition of LOVE that I have found is in 1 Corinthians.  Most people know this definition of love.  It is used often at weddings as the ideal that the couple getting married has achieved this level of love.  Most people read 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 as the LOVE chapter.  They read the verses and smile.  I read the verses and feel convicted. Here’s why!

The LOVE chapter in verses four through seven states:

 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Right away I can see that I am NOT loving nor am I full of real love.  At any given moment I lose my patience.  At any given moment I can be unkind.  Some days I brag about my accomplishments.  Most days I am easily angered when things don’t go my way.  I harbor hurts or what I feel are injustices against my person and do not want to forgive but want to stew and remember them for many days, months, and even years to come.  I don’t always want to hear the truth let alone rejoice in it, especially if the truth goes against what I think and feel.  I don’t always protect, I don’t always trust, and I lose hope and give up the fight too often.  Based on this definition of love, I am the most unloving person of all.

BUT, I don’t want to be unloving.  I want to be all of the virtues of love in action.  I want to be patient and kind.  I want to persevere and have hope.  I want to not brag on myself but esteem others.  I want to be LOVE, but I know that left to my own devices and that if I rely on my own strengths I will showcase my greatest weakness, an inability to love.  I need an example of how to DO all the things that are needed to show love.  Thankfully, I have that example in the personhood of Jesus Christ.

When I am purposing to love, I only have to look at Christ.  His very words and actions showed what real love is.  His very life was lived fully and completely demonstrating and practicing the idea that love is a verb.  Knowing this, when I set my sites on Him and mimicking His life, I can LOVE perfectly.  Sadly, I don’t choose to do this often.

As I sit here, listening to my children laugh, watching a baby smile and coo, and thinking of what I need to get up and take care of in my home I realize I have a choice.  I can choose to live the example given to me by Christ in His perfect examples of love, or I can do things my way and continue to be unloving.  Today, I choose LOVE.  Will I fail?  Most definitely, but I will continue to strive to LOVE the right way.

BIRTHDAY PLANNING

It is time to begin our annual birthday party planning.  This year we will have a 14 year old, an 11 year old, a 7 year old, and a 3 year old to plan parties for.  We will also have a new month to add for next year when our little big man turns 1 in January.  We have a lot of birthdays to plan for.

This year I have a couple of ideas for birthday themes.  I know that Ethan wants to have a cowboy party.  One of his all time favorite TV shows is Daniel Boone.  (Yep, the old TV show starring Fess Parker!)  So we might mix it up and have a Cowboys and Indians party.  I think that will be lots of fun!  I am also considering having his birthday at the “old” park in town.  We will soon have two parks to choose from since the city is working on fixing the older park up again, and I LOVE all the trees there.  It might be the perfect place for a Cowboys and Indians party!

The next theme that I know of is Cole’s, but we have tons of time to plan for it.  He loves Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, particularly the “Hot Dog Song”, so I’m thinking a Mickey Mouse party will be in order.  Once again I’m thinking play park, but we will see since I have until December for this one.

Lastly I’m already contemplating a FIRST birthday for big little man.  I LOVE the Little Man themes with the mustaches, but I still have plenty of time to gather my thoughts and plan this party out.  I will keep checking Etsy, my party inspiration website for fun ideas between now and next year!

So there you have it, three out of five kiddo’s birthday theme ideas.  Now I just need to sit the big ones down and decide what to do for them!  I LOVE planning my kiddo’s birthdays.  Nothing makes me happier than celebrating my children in a big way!

BOX DAY 2014!

Box Day is a phrase that has been coined by Sonlight Curriculum.  It is the day that Fed Ex arrives at your doorstop with at least one box of books to kick off your new homeschool year.  For us, Box Day was Thursday February 20^th.    What a great day that was!!

 

To kick off our Box Day adventure, we started by sorting out all of our books, workbooks, school supplies, and any and all papers that were related to the previous year.  Since we school year round and take breaks as needed, like for the birth of our newest little one Jacob, our school year starts when we need it to and we take breaks as we need them.  This year it starts the first week of March.  This year we will be adding a little bit of fun things for Cole in the mix, so we took the time to go through the toys in the boy’s room and pulled out some educational toys that will be great to use for school hours with Cole.  We also set up a little “cubby” with some books and toys for Cole. After we got the kitchen area organized and cleaned up, we realized that we needed more paper and pencils so we took a trip to Wal-Mart to get some things and get some storage bins for the books for our old cores.

I forgot to take a BEFORE picture of the kitchen, here is the end results.
I am so excited to have things organized again!

 

When we got back home from grocery shopping and supply trip it was time to tackle my desk and then the book shelves around the table that we keep all our current school books at.  I must admit that as we organized, pulled out our favorite books, and dusted and cleaned, I was getting more and more excited at the idea of opening that beautiful box that was filled with so many new, exciting, and wonderful books.

Messy and ready to be reorganized!

One shelf almost empty and crying out for new books.

 

 The books from last year being packed away.

Organized chaos!  HA!

 

At last we were ready to set things up!  YAY!  This year John Robert and Ethan will be using Sonight’s Core “D” and begin an introduction to American History.  We will also be starting a brief overview of Florida’s history, something that I am excited about.  Maybe we can plan a weekend field trip to my favorite Florida city, St. Augustine.  This year Maggie will be finishing up her delve into world history by finishing up with Core “H”.  I must admit that I was getting really excited as I sorted out all of her school books and looked at the history that was there, specifically with regards to more modern history, from World War II on. 

Isn't this beautiful?

 

 

Ethan was so excited to open the box this year!

 He was even excited about the math book box!

John Robert holding the Love to Learn sticker!

 

 

Books, glorious books!!!

 

Ethan was my main sorter while John Robert "babysat" Cole and Maggie took pictures while snuggling Jacob.

Look at all those glorious books!!  YAY!

 

After sorting all the books, it was time for me to sit down and set up the two new Instructor Guides (IG’s).  Of course this is when I get really excited.  I get to separate all of the wonderful books into History, Readers, Read Alouds, and Bible and then see how they all relate to each other within the IG.  I also adore that the IG has all of the planning done for me.  The only person that doesn’t have a “reading” list this year is Ethan since I had almost all of his books already, so I get to organize and make our own reading list and reading guide. 

Checking the books off my list.

Sorting, working, and assembling the IG's!

 

After all the hard work, the new books are up, the old are put away, the bookshelves are clean, Mama’s desk is cleaned, and Cole was happy to help us celebrate! 

Cole "reading" Maggie's new book.

 Box Day isn't fun unless you GET IN the box!

That smile says it all!

 

I love how organizing and setting things up for a GREAT start to school makes everyone so happy, especially this homeschooling Mama!

Ethan, Maggie, and John Robert's books are ready to go!

The math books are up.

And there are lots of P3/4 and P 4/5 books left out for Cole and well all of us to enjoy!

Someone was very proud of all Mama's hard work!

 

I love Box Day!  I love the look, feel, and even the smell of new books!  Here’s to a great school adventure and an organized one too!

VALENTINE’S DAY 2014

We love to spend lots of time showcasing how much we love each other as a family, and what better holiday to do this than Valentine’s Day?!?  This year we got the kiddos individual gifts to match their unique personalities.  All kiddos got a new movie and then a little something special along with their favorite chocolates.  Robert and I exchanged cards and he got me two HUGE packages of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups.  Yep, he knows me well!  HA!  Of course I took photos of the kiddos throughout the day, trying to catch them loving and playing together. 

LOVE John Robert's face here!

Small smiles from our "big" little man!

Cole loves Maggie and Jacob so much!

What love is shared in our house, even when silly faces are shown!

 

 

After Robert got home from work we gave the kiddos their gifts from us and then headed to Catfish Country to eat a delicious supper that Mama and Maggie DID NOT have to cook!  WOOT ~ WOOT!

Four of my five loves!

 

 

 

Silly faces getting warmed up!

 

Maggie and her "date"!

 

 

Cole has a new love....THOMAS!

 

 

Time to be silly at the restaurant.  Maggie took ALL the photos there, we had a good time!

  

 

All in all, our Valentine’s Day was laid back but perfect for us!  We celebrated in the Best Family usual style, with lots of laughter, lots of hugs and kisses, and lots of silly faces!

 

 

 

LESSONS FROM A C-SECTION

Two weeks ago our lives were forever changed but the birth of our fourth son here on earth.  Jacob entered into our lives in a rather unusual way for us.  We had been planning a homebirth but, due to his breech presentation we had to walk the unchartered path of a c-section.  The surgery, albeit a surprise, was a success and we were blessed with a large bouncing baby boy.

The overall birth experience at the hospital was awesome.  We loved the staff and the treatment that we were all given.  Then, Jacob and I were released to come home.  Oh my, has life been different.  Not good, bad, worse, or indifferent but very, very different. How so?  I’m glad you asked!

The first major difference that I have seen is the healing time that is needed.  After the birth of our other children, including the birth of Samuel into Heaven, I was back to “normal” within a few days.  Not so with the c-section.  At any given moment I can cough, sneeze, or just turn wrong and get a sharp shooting pain on my ride side near where the incision line is.  I’ve been told this is normal, but wow has it been a surprise for me.  As the Mama of five little ones, being uncertain of when pain will strike, it has made me slow down a lot.  Let me say that I am not one that is good at slowing down! In spite of that, this c-section has taught me that I need to slow down and take help when it is offered.

The second lesson that I’ve learned is that my big kiddos are amazing.  All I have had to do is ask and they have jumped to help.  Laundry needs to be thrown into the dryer, no problem.  Jacob needs a diaper, no problem, even if it is a super messy one.  Supper needs to be started, no big deal.  Dishes need to be done, checked off the list.  My big kiddos have been awesome when it comes to stepping up to the plate and helping.  I am forever grateful for that and for them.  I have asked them if the extra work has bothered them, but they look at me like I’m a nut, and snuggle Jacob tighter.  Just one of the many joys of a large family and making baby’s a priority worth loving.

The third lesson that I have learned is that it is okay to say “NO!”  I am not one that says no easily.  Usually I am the one that people call on and ask for help.  Now, I am the one that isn’t answering their phone, is willing to let someone knock on the door, and is even willing to turn a blind eye to the mess on the floor that needs mopping right now.  I have learned that it is ok to say NO, I can’t do whatever right now.  It has been a freeing lesson that has helped me stay somewhat sane.

The fourth lesson that I’ve learned is that I don’t do well being stuck at home or relying on others to help me run errands.  Life has a way of making us slow down and take into account that some days or weeks are not what we think they should be  Having to rely on other’s has been humbling and frustrating.  It has been a lesson in patience and humility.  Nothing can be more frustrating than needing to go to the grocery store and having to wait for four or five hours for someone to arrive to help you, especially when you are down to one roll of toilet paper.

The fifth and final lesson that I have learned is that God’s grace is always sufficient.  On the days that I need grace, all I have to do is ask and pray for it and it is given.  I have had to do this a time or two when I am dealing with the little ones that want to hug Mama and their head hits the incision line at just the right angle to bring her to her knees.  Or when the baby needs to nurse, a toddler has a dirty diaper, one is stuck in the bathroom without toilet paper because my help hasn’t arrived yet, and poor Robert calls to say that he is going to be at least four hours late.  Yes, crying out to God in those moments and begging for grace is the only thing that can help me to survive.  And in those moments where life is insane, the pain is intense, and I don’t think that I can move on; grace is sufficient.

I have learned quite a lot within these last two weeks.  More than any other lesson, I have learned that I can ask God for anything and He will provide at the right moment and the right time, always.  His grace is sufficient, His mercy is everlasting, and His love is all encompassing.  Life can be crazy, but when you slow down you can learn some lessons from your experiences, even if it is a c-section.