TO LIVE IS CHRIST, TO DIE IS GAIN!!!

For the first time in my married life, I was really scared!  One of my biggest fears is that I am going to become a widow.  Last night that almost happened.  BUT, God in His infinite wisdom, mercy, and amazing grace, had other plans!  THANK YOU, GOD!

I thought that my awesome husband was going to die last night.  Honestly truly thought that he was a goner.  Turned out to not be a heart attack but to be a stress induced episode.  Stress can kill you, imagine that!  Sitting there in the hospital room, watching my husband, friend, mentor, life partner, lover, and father of my children gasp for breath with blue lips terrified me.  Mere words can not do justice for what I was feeling at that moment.  Images of me raising three children all alone filled my mind.  What would we do, how would we go on, how would we survive?

I’d like to say that I immediately thought of Bible verses and was clamed, but that wouldn’t be the truth.  One verse came to mind, and (I can’t remember its address, forgive me), “To live is Christ, to die is gain.”  In that moment I knew that everything was going to be ok.  That was my moment of big comfort, to be reminded that if my husband died he would BE with Christ, he would be OK!  I also knew that I would be ok too; after all to live IS Christ!  Can you fathom that?  Can you understand the immediate peace and comfort that I found from that one verse?  If you know Jesus, you can, but I digress.

Today I was also given the ability to reflect on what happened and understand some essential truths that I had not understood before.  God’s word is very clear about stress in our lives and what we are to do with it!  Don’t believe me; check out Psalm 32, made a huge impact on me today!  God is also very clear in what He thinks about His children and His desire to be with them and love them.  This was made very clear sitting in the hospital room watching my husband gasp for breath.

I am a firm believer that God allows things to happen in our lives to bring about good, for His glory and His purposes. (And I do know this one’s address, check out Romans 8:28).  I don’t fully know the reason that my beloved had to endure what he went through last night.  I know that I had a greater appreciation for his snoring and cover hogging last night.  I know that when my boys came in to snuggle we appreciated the fact that Daddy was there to snuggle with.  During Bible this morning we told each other reasons why we love each other and how much we mean to each other.  As wonderful as all that was, and as important as all that is, what truly matters to me is what God did for me!  

God worked a horrible fear out for my good!  He reminded me that I am not in control of life, He is!  God reminded me that He will take care of me; I don’t need to worry about it!  He gave me the opportunity to talk to my husband about what matters, our dreams, our fears, our worries, and yes what stresses us out.  He also ministered to me through the gift of a friend that I haven’t seen since high school.  God worked all this out for me, after a horrible night!   He is amazing isn’t He?

Truly: TO LIVE IS CHRIST, TO DIE IS GAIN!!!!!!