TODAY WAS A GREAT DAY FOR SURGERY

Today was a great day for surgery.  Jacob got his tubes put in his ears.  I am praying that this cuts down on his chronic ear infections, constant ear pulling, and his super clumsy walking. When we met with the ENT, I described all of his symptoms and told Dr. Merrit he needed tubes.  One look at Jacob's X-Rays and his ears told the doctor that I was right.  Surgery was set, it was at 7:30 this morning.

 His surgery was a success, it was a quick procedure, as tubal surgery  usually is.  Jacob's right ear was worse than the left, it was filled with lots of fluid, wax, and yucky goo.  His left ear had minimal fluid in it, but it still had fluid.  He woke up slightly disoriented and fussed until he saw his Daddy.  Robert left the center and headed to work and I brought little man home for a hearty breakfast and some snuggle time with all of his siblings (three of them were still sleeping when we got home), and lots of time to play.  

Enjoying his yummy breakfast.  Toast and scrambled eggs, YUM!

Snuggles and cartoon time with big brother Ethan.

Time to take off all his tabs, bandages from the IV, and armbands.  

All in all, the surgery was a success.  If the active little boy is any indication he is also feeling a lot better already!  I am really hoping and praying that this helps his ears, his balance, and his already cheerful disposition.  Today was indeed a great morning to have surgery!  I for one am very thankful for modern medicine and the healing power of doctors and nurses. 

62 YEARS

My Grandma left us on Friday, April 17, 2015.  Her birthday was April 26th, so we all gathered together to celebrate her life on her birthday.  My Grandma passed away a few days shy of turning 81.  It was a bittersweet day for me.  I loved my grandmother, a lot.  She was my biggest supporter, the person who thought that I could do anything, and someone who encouraged my love of reading since it matched her love of reading too.   I have so many fun memories of her, sharing books, pouring through the J.C. Penney catalogs together, sitting in their kitchen eating, being given a new journal to share my thoughts with her,  having her sing the song she made just for me, and most of all listening to her stories.   As much as I miss her, I know that my Grandpa will miss her even more.  They had shared 62 years of love together.

My grandma loved to tell of how they met.  Grandpa was in the Navy and would come into the department store where she was working to play the newest Hank Williams album.  My Grandma didn't care for that style of music, but made sure it was ready for him when he came in.  That's how it started.  Soon, they had their first date.  Both knew that this was it.   After walking her home from only a handful of dates, he hollered back to her one day that he had a question to ask.  Her response was perfect:

        If it's what I think it it, the answer is yes.

That yes started 62 years of life together.  My grandparents were married for 62 years.  To me, this is simply amazing.  

I loved watching my grandparents interact together.  I loved watching my grandma's hands, she had the most beautiful slender hands (my aunt and my sister have her hands), as she held my grandpa's hand when walking or at the table.  In her later years as her health declined, her hand would reach out to him for comfort and he was always there, always.  I loved watching my Grandma's eyes light up when she told the story of the Hank Williams albums, how she answered his important question, and even how Grandpa taught her to drive.  I loved how Grandpa responded.  I loved how he'd smile at her and talk about what a lead foot she had once she learned to drive, how she was often compared to Maureen O'Hara, but for him there was no comparison; she was prettier than any movie star he'd ever seen.  I loved how much they loved each other. 

My grandparents spent 62 years together.  They raised three children, were blessed with four grandchildren, and nine great grand children.  They are an example of what love is.  Their legacy will live on because they taught us how to love.

I always associated my grandparents with Hank Williams songs.  After all, that is how she won my Grandpa's heart, having "his" music playing.  Yesterday, Grandpa shared with us "their" song.  The song was "Walkin' My Baby Back Home" by Johnnie Ray.

To me, this song is the perfect song for them.  I had never heard this song and it immediately brought tears to my eyes.   It was the story of their life together.  It was a song that was written for them.  Grandpa did walk Grandma back home.  After that important question, they continued walking together, for 62 years they walked side by side.  There was joy, there was laughter, there was heartache, and there were tears; but they never stopped holding hands or walking together. 

 I am so thankful for the love that they shared.  I am so thankful that I got to witness 62 years of love in action.  I am so thankful that my Grandpa walked Grandma home.  More than that, I am thankful that she told him yes and walked with him through the rest of her life.

My Grandma was a beautiful woman.  She had a huge capacity to love.  She had an incredibly giving heart.  She was an integral part of who I am today.  She was an incredible gift to this world.  As much as I miss her, I am so grateful that I knew her.  More than that, I am grateful that I knew my grandparents together, knew of their love, and now know what 62 years of love together looks like.  I pray that my life makes her as proud of me as I am of her.   I pray that I can honor the legacy of their lives, of their 62 years together, of what love is as I purpose to walk beside Robert and walk through our marriage together.  

I love you Grandma.  I miss you.  Thank you for blessing my life with your love.  More than that, thank you for saying yes and walking with Grandpa for 62 years.

SONLIGHT BLOG PARTY~ A Typical Day

I must admit that this month's Sonlight and their Sonlight Blog Party challenge has been just that for me, a huge challenge.  This month we are discussing our average homeschooling schedule.   This month, due to life and the way that it tends to get in the way, I have no homeschooling schedule.  Please don't get me wrong, I started the year off with an awesome schedule.  I was going to be an amazingly organized homeschooling mama that would make the blogosphere proud.   Oh, to be an organized homeschooler with an awesome schedule, it hasn't happened yet.

At the beginning of our school year, I had a wonderful schedule written out.  It went something like this:

7:00      Wake Up
7:05      Personal Prayer and Devotions
7:30      Start Laundry / Morning Chores
8:00      Begin Breakfast
8:45      Organize Children for their Private Bible Study
9:00      Morning Meeting for School
9:30      Family Bible Study
10:00    Fun Monthly Unit Study
10:30    Morning Seat Work 
11:30    Lunch
12:00    Science
12:30    Finish Science / Morning Work
1:00      Reading Together
2:00      Afternoon Free Time
4:00      Afternoon Chores
5:00      Supper Preparations
6:00      Supper as a Family
7:30      Start Baths
8:30      Little Best's to Bed
9:30      Everyone to Bed


Doesn't that schedule look amazing.  To me, there was plenty of time for errands, chores, and well life.  If I am being totally honest, our schedule is no where close to this.  Oh, there are some things that do happen.  Supper does have to start around 5:00 or else the five little Best's revolt, but that is about all that is same.  In reality our schedule looks more like this:

8:00       Try to get up.  Some kiddos are up, some aren't.
9:00       Remind kiddos for the 5th time they need to eat                     breakfast.
9:30       Remind kiddos that before school starts they have                 to be at least dressed with their teeth brushed.
10:00     Announce that school is starting in FIVE minutes
10:30     Actually start school skipping Bible and Unit Fun to               tackle morning work and feel like your being                         productive.
11:30     Lunch, because boys are starving after only two                     hours.
12:00     Time for chores, playing, and errands.
2:00        Nap time.  Quiet reading time and finish morning                   work time.
3:00        Bible / Prayers / Unit Fun
4:00         Reading
5:00        Supper
7:30         Baths
8:00         Bedtime / Finish Reading

In many ways, the second schedule is really how our days go.  Too often life happens and even the second schedule is thrown out the window.  If there is one thing that I have learned in our four or so years of homeschooling it's that being flexible is the best way to handle life.  Having a schedule is a GREAT IDEA, but being a slave to the schedule isn't always feasible.  Besides, in my opinion, homeschooling is about teaching your children how to roll with the punches and teaching them to be flexible and loosely follow their schedule teaches them just that.

Having a schedule is great.  Being organized is great.  Maybe one day I will get there.  In the mean time, I will have fun being flexible and trying to follow a schedule, whatever it may be.  

MEET UP

One of the perks of using Sonlight for our homeschool curriculum is the benefit of access to their on-line forums.  These forums are a blessing for people who need help with curriculum choices, dealing with kiddos struggling in a certain subject, or needing support that what you are doing as a parent is right.  The forums are also a place to share meal planning ideas, weight loss tips, and fun things to help us mama's stay sane in the day to day adventure that is homeschooling.

The biggest blessing of the Sonlight forums is that you can connect with like minded people in any area of your life.  This causes friendships to be formed, even if you live several states away.  Some days these friendships are what help you feel connected to the real world, even if your chatting on the computer.  The biggest blessing to these friendships is that sometimes it works out that fellow homeschooling Sonlight Mama's get the chance to arrange a meet up.  This is when you can get together in real life and really enjoy each other's company.

This past Wednesday, I was given the chance to have my first ever Sonlight Mama's meet up.  It was wonderful.  Susan and her sweet husband and two boys were in our neck of the woods for their family vacation.  Since they were so close to our homestead, we agreed to meet at the local play park so our boys could play and we could chat.  

Susan and I in a Sonlight Mama Slefie!

A group photo.  Robert and Maggie are missing, they weren't here for the adventure.

Cole is the gray shirt running away behind me.  He headed back towards the swings.

The meet up was a ton of fun.  We sat and visited for almost two hours.  We talked about the Florida heat, our kiddos, and of course homeschooling.  I have to admit, I was slightly nervous, this being my first meet up and all, but I absolutely LOVED every minute of it.  It was as if we had known each other for a lot longer, as if we had always met at the park to chat and share.  I hated having to cut our meet up short, but I had four hungry boys to feed.

Thanks Susan and Family for the blessing of your company while you were on vacation.  Thanks for the blessing of my first ever Sonlight meet up.  Thanks for wanting to meet up, I can't wait until we can do it again, maybe next time we will make it to your neck of the woods!

HIS AND HER CLOSETS

Recently on Facebook someone posted that they were curious how a relationship goes from his and her closets to his and her attorneys.  If I am being honest this is a question that I have often pondered.  How could someone say "I DO" and then loose that love?  How can two people who said they were willing to stay together until death parts them, separate?  What happens to the love?  Do they forget their wedding vows?  Do they loose sight of what marriage is?  How does life change and make us so bitter that we give up on marriage, on each other?  

Our wedding day, December 5, 1997.

I must admit, after the week that Robert and I have had, I wondered if I could supply an answer to this question.  Please don't misconstrue me, I love my husband, but this week has been a week that made me question if marriage and fighting for a life together is always worth it. .Don't get me wrong, it was nothing major. There was no big AHA we shouldn't be married anymore moments; just a million little things that one experiences when a person has spent the last 17.5 years of life together as husband and wife and parents of little ones.  It's the ebb and flow of a life together, the struggle for autonomy while being one in the realm of marriage.  It is the living of life as "WE" instead of "ME".   It is the fact that we are both imperfect people trying to become one and not loose themselves in the process.  Like I said, this week was a hard week, for a number of reasons, and then  Saturday and Sunday happened.

Please know that there was nothing magical about Saturday or Sunday.  They were ordinary days that occur when you have had a rough week.  However, Saturday evening during a much needed time of "venting" to each other, something was said that made me pause and think about marriage and this question I saw on Facebook.  It wasn't a magical formula for making marriage work.  It was a simple statement:

Tomorrow is a new day.  It's also Sunday and the beginning of the week.  Let's put this week behind us and CHOOSE to be happy.

And with that statement, the week changed.  We had something to look forward to.  We had a plan of action, we could CHOOSE.  On Sunday we headed to church, First Baptist here in Lake Wales, and were met with the second equation to our issue; our pastor has started a new ten week session on living in a Choice Marriage.  The message was simple and straight forward.  It was also exactly what we needed to hear, being in a marriage and staying married is our choice.

You see, aside from abuse and infidelity and I am not going to broach these issues, being married is my choice.  I have the ability to wake up and say YES, I choose to love my husband today.  I also have the ability to wake up and and choose to find reasons to say NO to loving my husband. For me, it is my choice, and this is the secret of our marriage.

Every day being married I have to make a choice.   I can choose to find fault with what I see as his short comings or I can choose to show him mercy.  I can choose to fight him in every little thing and show all the ways that I am RIGHT, or I can choose to compromise.  I can choose to make him my entire world and forsake everyone and everything else, or I can make him who he is, my husband given to me by God.  I can choose to hold him to a higher standard than I am willing to hold myself to, or I can choose to show him grace when he stumbles.  I can choose to make him my god, or I can choose to see him through the eye's of God.  No matter what I do this day, it is my choice.

Everyday of my marriage, I have the power to stay or go. This power is seen in the choices that I make.  Am I perfect?  Far from it!!   Like Paul stated, I am chief among sinners, especially sinful wives!  But the reminder that we have to choose to love each other dramatically shifted our perspective.  Are we still in the same situation?  YES!  Are we still stuck in what we see as problems?  YES!  BUT, none of that matters!  Today we have made the choice to stay married.  We have made the choice to talk to each other, to affirm each other, to purpose to be together to reconnect weekly on a date, and to purpose to have a weekend or two away for just us.   For us, keeping his and her closets all comes back to the choices we make, and today we chose each other.

Our weekend away this past February.

So, how did our week end?  This Sunday afternoon, we made the choice to sit and talk about the things that were really bothering us.  In that time we saw that there are a lot of things that we need to work on in our marriage.  We need to be more intentional about choosing to love each other, affirming each other, and staying connected.   We also realized that after 17.5 years of marriage, after 21 years of being together as a couple; we still choose each other. 

 Choosing each other, choosing our life together complete with warts and all, is what makes our his and her closets beautiful.  

EASTER

Easter is one of our all time favorite holidays.  We love the sheer joy of celebrating our Risen Savior in a real and tangible way.  I love the joy in the kids’ faces as we gather to celebrate with family and friends.  This year was slightly different for us.

On Saturday morning, I had wanted to take the kiddos to our church’s Easter event.  This is a time when they reach out to those in the community with an egg hunt, prizes, and an Easter village with lots of fun games. I was the only one who wanted to go; no one else was interested, so we didn’t get to go.  I must admit I was disappointed, but there was no point to pushing people into going.  We just opted to stay home instead.  Saturday night was the Best Family Easter Event, but we didn’t go to that either because of Robert’s work schedule.  So our Saturday wasn’t what I had hoped it to be, and in all honesty, I was slightly bummed.  BUT, I didn’t let that stop us from having fun on Easter Sunday.

Sunday morning the kiddos woke up and had fun hunting for their Easter baskets.  After a delicious breakfast of sunny eggs (eggs baked in crescent rolls with bacon and cheese), we headed to church.  Of course we wound up having to leave a little early so Robert had to go and check his plants.  While Robert was gone, I had a wonderful time dealing with the sheer chaos and craziness of five hungry kiddos being told to WAIT to eat.  I broke my favorite drinking glass and had glass shards spatter everywhere.  Then I was out of a key ingredient for my strawberry shortcake and the gravy was too watery.  Then the cake wasn’t set when Robert came in from work and we had to head to my parents.  So on top of grumpy, starving kiddos, Mama had her own disasters to deal with. 

Hiding Easter Baskets and Presents.

The kiddos had a lot of fun hunting their gifts from Mom & Dad.

Everyone in their Sunday Best for Easter morning service.

Of course we wound up having to leave a little early so Robert had to go and check his plants.  While Robert was gone, I had a wonderful time dealing with the sheer chaos and craziness of five hungry kiddos being told to WAIT to eat.  I broke my favorite drinking glass and had glass shards spatter everywhere.  Then I was out of a key ingredient for my strawberry shortcake and the gravy was too watery.  Then the cake wasn’t set when Robert came in from work and we had to head to my parents.  So on top of grumpy, starving kiddos, Mama had her own disasters to deal with. 

BUT, we made it to my parent’s house where the kiddos had a lot of fun looking for the prized money egg.  This year John Robert, once again won the $20.00 grand prize egg with Ethan coming in second place with the $10.00 egg.  Maggie, Cole, and Jacob all won the $5.00 eggs.  The little boys were thrilled, Maggie was bummed John Robert won again this year.  After the egg hunt and the meal where the starving boys could finally eat, we went and visited with Robert’s dad and Granny B. since we didn’t get to see them the night before.  The kiddos had a great time riding and driving the side by side in the woods where daddy grew up.  I think Robert had fun showing the kids his old stomping grounds too.

Egg hunting fun at Nana and Papa's house.

Easter weekend didn’t go as I had planned.  At times it was stress filled and chaotic.  BUT, none of that matters.  What matters is the reason we celebrate this holiday.  For us it isn’t about bunnies or egg hunts; but it’s about the Risen Lord.  Truthfully the best part of the weekend for e was when Cole shouted: “Jesus is ALIVE!” with pure and sheer joy on his little face.  That is the real reason we celebrate Easter Sunday, because Christ is ALIVE!

THEY ARE WATCHING....

At any given moment, there are ten eyes watching us.  These little eyes watch how we respond to life, be it the good or the bad.  These little eyes watch how we treat each other.  These little eyes watch to see what is going on in our world.  These little eyes watch to see how we treat other people.  These little eyes watch us, whether  we want them to or not.  Little eyes watch us daily, hourly, second by second, and they imitate what we are doing.

Here lately I have been reminded of these little eyes by the way life is happening.  I have been challenged that I've not been touching my older kiddos enough.  At least once a day I announce that it is time for a "proper hug".  During this time, I've noticed that even he little boys line up to hug each other.  The big kids act like they hate it, but I don't care. I want to make sure I never stop hugging and loving on them.  What has struck me is how I hear Cole grab John Robert and now ask for a proper hug.  I've also noticed Jacob grabbing our legs and squeezing them tight more.  I want our children to be loving.  I'm glad my houseful of little eyes has seen this.  More than that, I am happy that proper hugs are being imitated daily.

More than the hugging, I'm very grateful my little eyes have seen the Bible being read and that little eyes have seen their parents praying.  At our table, there are seats that are reserved for a certain person.  This morning Jacob had a picture book open sitting at Robert's spot.  I noticed it in passing while I was carrying laundry, didn't think anything of it until John Robert called me to come look.  When I rounded the corner I saw Jacob with his hands folded and eyes closed.  He was imitating what he sees daily, Robert sitting at his spot at the table reading his Bible and praying.  It was at this moment that it struck me just how often our little eyes were watching us, just how much the little eyes imitate what they see, and just the sheer volume of responsibility that we have as parents to raise them in the way that they are to go.

I have heard, and rightly so, that the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world.  To me there is no better example of this than what happens in my home daily.  I have five little ones with their ten eyes watching Robert and I as we purpose to live our lives.  Some days, most days, I feel that I've made a mess of things.  Today, with the gift of proper hugs and the sight of my one year old praying like his daddy, I feel like we are doing something right.  Maybe, just maybe we can raise our children to impact the world greatly, to make their mark for future generations, and to change the world of even their great grandchildren.  After all, I am not raising children for tomorrow, I am raising my children to impact all of eternity.  Some-days I forget that's why what these little eyes see is so important.  Not today, today I didn't forget.  Today I actually got it right.  Today I was reminded why what I do, say, think, feel, react to, move towards, and  place value and import on matters.

Little eyes are watching us.  Today,  this reminder was a precious gift.  My prayer is that the eyes that are watching me will find my flimsy efforts at love and leading by example the strength they need to conquer the world.  More than that, I pray that Christ's eyes, the eyes that are always watching me find me worthy of a life spent doling out proper hugs and watching little boys want to be like their daddy!

APRIL 4th......

Today is April 4th.  For many it is just another day.  This year April 4th is the day before Easter.  People are scurrying around finishing their Easter baskets, planning their family meal, and heading to parties to celebrate the Risen Savior.  For many today is a day to begin the celebrations of spring.  For me, it's a reminder of what should have been.

April 4, 2013 was my Samuel's due date.  Today I should be making six Easter baskets, but I am only making five.  I should be planning a second birthday.  Maybe a Dr. Seuss theme, since Samuel and Jacob would have been my Thing 1 and Thing 2.  Sadly, I'm not planning that party or making up that extra basket.  I am sitting here, in the chaos of a Saturday morning, hurting and crying.

I am hurting for what might have been.  I am broken because of all that I never got to do with my sweet Samuel.  I am broken woman, missing a vital piece of myself, my son.  

I am missing my son today because I never got to meet him on April 4th.  I am sad, I am hurting, and I weep.  The pain of loosing Samuel is as real today as it was two years ago.  I don't even know how to remember this day.  Do you say "Happy Should've Been Birthday"?  Do you just say "I miss you...."
Whatever I am supposed to say, I miss my son, I am hurting today as I will every April 4th for the rest of my life.  I am a broken woman, even behind my smile.  I love my son who I never held, and I miss him daily.

I WAS LAUGHED AT TODAY

I was laughed at in the grocery store today.  I don't think it was a bad thing, but I could be wrong.  I wanted to go shopping by myself since I had to go to no less than five stores and get the baby's prescription.  BUT, when I announced it was time to head to town all of a sudden there were five kiddos in various stages of dress screaming on me to wait, they all wanted to go.  Needless to say I was delayed getting to town and had the kiddos with me trying to navigate the crowded grocery store.

We were down to our last few aisles.  What should have been a quick trip through Publix turned into almost an hour long ordeal.  For the most part the kiddos were good.  We had already been to the Dollar Tree and now we were in the grocery store.  I still needed to run by CVS and then Wal-Mart.  The kiddos, especially the younger two, were already at their shopping limit.  It was at this time that I was laughed at.

We were on the bread aisle.  I only needed to get peanut butter, bread, cheese, and bacon.  We were so close to being done.  I asked the kiddos to stay with the buggy so I could run back to get the buns we needed.  As I was walking back down the aisle, my precious Cole came running up behind me whining the whole way!  As politely as I could, I turned him around and said:

Son, I asked you to wait at the buggy.

I didn't ask you to whine and run after Mommy.

That's when it happened.  There was a woman standing next to me who burst into laughter.  She was laughing hard as she smiled at me.  All she said was: "I'm a Grandma now, I am long past this stage."  That's why I am not sure if she was laughing at me and if it was a good thing.

The simple truth is that one day, Lord willing, I will be alone in the grocery store.  I won't be buying five loaves of bread to feed five kiddos for three days.  I won't have two grocery buggy's full of food.  I will see a mother with young children, and I will smile, maybe even laugh because I will know that this time does pass.  More than that, I will know that these days pass by too quickly and it's okay to be laughed at in the store.