MEMORIES

We all have memories.  Some are good while others are painful.  No matter what, we all have memories.  Memories are good to have; they remind us of who we are, where we have come from, and even more importantly mold us to make our future choices.  Most people use today, December 31^st to remember their past year.  They look at their successes and failures and shape New Year’s Resolutions to change things about themselves into what they want.  I don’t do that.  I take December 31^st and remember one of the most important men in my life, my Grandpa. 

My Grandpa, John Howard Peacock, would have been 82 years old today.  That’s right, December 31^st was his birthday.  That reason and that reason alone, Grandpa’s birthday, is what makes today so special.  I don’t choose to reflect on my past year, I choose to focus on my Grandpa.  He was an amazing man.

I remember hearing stories of his enlistment in the Air Force during “the Big War”.  He lied about his age, leaving his small home in Avon Park to help fight for his country.  I remember hearing stories about how the Air Force had to “retrain” the way that he spoke so they could understand him over the radio; I guess that is where I get my “twang” from.  I remember hearing stories of how he met my Grandmother in New York on a blind date on Halloween.  I remember hearing about their month long honeymoon so they could come to Florida so Grandma could meet her in-laws.  I remember hearing stories about Vietnam, their adventures living overseas and in California.  I remember hearing about how he beat my parents to the hospital when they went into labor with me.  I remember hearing the stories and seeing the pictures on how he was the first person that I walked to and yes it was because he was holding a present out to me when I was only 9 months old.

More than the stories that I remember hearing I remember talking to my Grandpa as I got older.  I remember hearing his voice answer the phone when I would call.  I remember hearing “Hey Jennie”, like I was the one person that he was waiting to talk to that day.  I remember him telling me how much he liked Robert when I was still in high school and we were still dating.  I remember him telling me when we got engaged that I had a good man.  I remember his joy when we had Maggie and his excitement when we had our first son and named him John.  I remember his hugs, his smiles, his life with such loving joy that I can honestly say that I can’t believe it has been nearly 2 years since he left me.

More than anything, when I remember my Grandpa, I remember love.  He loved me no matter what.  He supported me no matter what.  He thought that I was special because I was his first born granddaughter.  He loved me, and I loved him too!

Today as I think of my Grandpa and all that he was in this life, I smile knowing that he is waiting for me with Christ.  I smile because I know that he is holding my precious Samuel and rocking him the way he held all babies, and he loved a baby!  I miss him.  I miss hearing his voice.  I miss seeing his smile. I miss hearing him laugh.  I miss his hugs.  I miss our chats.  I miss his cooking.

Today I remember more than a year, I remember the man.  These memories are so sweet!  Happy Birthday Grandpa Peacock!  I LOVE YOU!!!!!

CHRISTMAS 2012

I love Christmas!  I love the way that people try to slow down and enjoy family more.  I love how people choose to give to others instead of keep things for themselves.  I love the wonder that is seen in the eyes of children as they see Christmas lights or the Christmas tree light up and sparkle.  I love the laughter that comes from baking.  I love the smiles that come from traditions, such as new Christmas jammies and reading the Christmas Story on Christmas Eve.  I love how my children love to give gifts as much as they love to get them and how they won’t open any presents until we sing together as a family, Happy Birthday Jesus.  In short, I love Christmas.

This year was bittersweet.  I wanted to wake up with a large tummy filled with a baby, but instead I woke up to four joyous faces excited that it was Christmas morning.  I also awoke to a wonderful husband who said that I was his gift, his favorite Christmas present.  He told me that a gift is something that you could not fathom or imagine blessing you until you received it.  Robert said that I was that gift!  What an amazing day!

 Our annual pose in front of the tree!

Time for Christmas Eve Traditions, first up…JAMMIES!!

 It’s Christmas Morning!!!!  YAY

As we spent the day enjoying each other and opening presents, I was reminded that the greatest gift is indeed the gift of my Savior!  Without Christ I am nothing.  What a great gift His life and more importantly His death really are for all of us!  I am so thankful to be reminded of that this Christmas!

Thanks to Christ this is truly the most wonderful time of the year!

 

CHRISTMAS BAKING

Last night was our annual Best Family Christmas Baking Event!  The kiddos had been looking forward to it all day, in fact they could hardly wait for Daddy to come home and when he finally got there (only 30 minutes late mind you), they pounced on him and waited non too patiently for him to eat and shower before the fun began.

This year we did triple chocolate chunk cookies, the usual fun sugar cookies (With a new recipe for them!  Mama didn’t buy a mix but made them from scratch, go Mama!), a new addition of Ninja-Bread Men cookies, and for the first time ever we made a Gingerbread Train (the boys didn’t want to make a house!); all in all it was a busy fun, floury day!

Everyone gets into the act when it comes to baking!

 

Then the whole family, even Mama & Cole help to decorate the yummy cookies!

 

 

The end results are perfectly yummy and pretty!

While I thoroughly enjoyed the time we spent baking, what I enjoyed more was the delight of my children.  Traditions are one very important way of bringing a family together.  Robert and I want our children to grow up close and to continue to want to be together as they grow up and leave our family home to form their own.  We want them to be close, to remember their childhood fondly, and to hold tightly to the ties that bind; in short we want to encourage them to continue on into their adult lives not only as siblings but as friends.  This morning when I was on my usual morning phone call with Robert while he drove to work (our only quiet time in the mornings to talk); he mentioned how much he enjoyed our baking fest.  He mentioned that it was something that he didn’t do growing up and that he enjoyed the kid’s excitement, their conversation their laughter, in short he enjoyed the love that they shared doing something as simple as baking and decorating cookies. 

I pray that my children will grow up in the Truth of God’s Word.  I pray that they will all willingly serve Christ from an early age.  I pray that they will grow up to be mighty men and women of God.  I pray that they will look back at their childhood and our traditions with love.  More than anything, I pray that they will delight in the conversation, laughter, and love for each other after they are grown.

Cookie baking, it’s a wonderful tradition and a yummy one too!

Christmas Traditions: What Do You Do?

 

I love Christmas.  I love the little traditions that are so unique and special to this time of the year.  We do have some traditions here.  Our big thing is that Santa doesn’t visit our house.  The kids each get three gifts from Mama and Daddy and their stockings.  Don’t get me wrong, they are spoiled rotten and by the time we add in gifts from grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends, and they buy for each other; we are covered in the gifts department.  Every year I try to have the children make a gift to give to people, sometimes homemade gifts are the best.  Another tradition is the annual cookie baking fest which is usually done the week before Christmas.  And of course, there is Christmas Eve. 

We always enjoy Christmas Eve here at our home with Robert’s family.  We eat, visit, exchange gifts, eat, visit some more, and eat.  Did I mention that I married into a family of amazing cooks and that we eat?  Then after everyone leaves and we straighten up the house, we begin the traditions that I have brought with me from my childhood.  Everyone gets new Christmas jammies.  Then we snuggle down to read “The First Christmas”.  This book was bought by my mother when she found out she was expecting me (I am the oldest) and my sister bought my brother and I some copies off E-Bay one year.  I LOVE this.   Then we read the “Twas the Night before Christmas” another popup book from my childhood, and Daddy reads us Luke Chapter 2.  Next the kiddos go off to bed and Robert and I enjoy our unique Christmas Tradition of watching the “Christmas Story” with no children around.

This year we have added a new Christmas tradition to our family, the Sneaky Snowman.  He is sort of like a cross between the Elf on the Shelf and an Advent countdown.  Every night he does something sneaky to try to make Christmas come faster.  One night he wrapped up the kids bathroom.  One night he decorated Maggie’s rabbit cage.  Last night he tried to clean the oven and make cookies!  The children are really enjoying seeing what our Sneaky Snowman will do next, and I am enjoying our new traditions.

When I asked the kids if they thought that all this tradition was silly, if we should even bake cookies this year; John Robert my passive, non-excitable, laid back child protested the loudest: “MOOOOOM, we have to get jammies, bake, and read….it’s our family tradition!

I love Christmas!  I love traditions!  I love my family!  So, how about you?  What do you and your family enjoy for a Christmas tradition?

Christmas 2011 in new jammies.

Mama reading to her kiddos on Christmas Eve.

Our new tradition, that Sneaky Snowman!

 

MISCARRIAGE: One Month Done, a Lifetime to Go.

 

This month has been a journey of ups, down, laughter, tears, heartache, and smiles.  More often than not, I am okay.  There are days that grief can be hard, but for the most part I am really and truly okay.  I know that this is due entirely to the fact that I know who I am in Christ and that I know that He is in complete and total control of everything within the parameters of my life.

Life has not been easy nor is this a journey that makes everyday a rosy day filled with sunshine.  However, because of who I am in Christ I can move forward.  I will not be posting weekly updates anymore.  Please don’t think that I am over the loss of Samuel indeed that is the furthest thing from the truth.  I know that until the day comes that I am holding him in my arms sitting at the feet of Christ, I will never be over this.  I am, however, willing to say that I can move forward.  This is not in my strength but in the strength of my Savior who was willing to be born and die for me.

Here is a brief recap of some of the things that I have learned in this past month.

1.    Yes, God is always enough!

2.   I can find peace through Christ in difficult and hard times!

3.   Sometimes all you can do is pray and ask God to give you your next breath and that is okay!

4.   Finding joy in the midst of sorrow is the ultimate way of handling grief in any situation.

5.   I am beautiful; I was made for a purpose and for this time in history!  God will make beauty from the ashes of my life, if I am willing to trust Him!

6.   My answer will always be, YES LORD!  No matter the cost, I have learned that He will sustain me!

Of course there is so much more, but there is not enough room to share.  I am still learning and growing through this process.  I am still grieving and still loving my son that was born into Heaven.  Until that day when I get to see him, I will forever remember him as my special Samuel, called into Heaven by a loving God who wants the best for me.  This is my story, and it is beautiful!

COLE’s 1st BIRTHDAY!

I can’t believe that my baby is one!  Of course we celebrated his milestone birthday with a party; I am forever the party Mama.  His birthday theme was the “Very Hungry Caterpillar”, and it fit little man perfectly.  I have never seen a baby eat as much as this one does.  Ok, I digress, onto the party!

The bigger kids and I made a lot of the decorations.  We made all the invitations, address labels, food labels, table labels, and then promptly left most of it at the house when we headed to the party spot.  UGH!  I know that no one noticed, but I did and it drove me nuts the whole party.  I hope that everyone enjoyed the party as much as the birthday boy did!  His favorite thing, the cake!

 

Cole and Mama getting ready to head out; once in the car he promptly took his socks off crying the entire time!

 

The “treat’s” table where the goody boxes and candy buffet was.

Close up, the cookies are from Etsy.

Another close up, and yes we made the marshmallow pops!

The main table for the cake and gifts.

 

The Publix cake, is there any other kind?

Yep, made the centerpiece too!

I love these water bottle labels!

I even made a wall of fame for Cole.  He has really grown!

The kiddos enjoying the craft table, then they hit the playground!

Did I mention the best part was the cake?

Daddy, Mama, and Cole (sorry, he blinked!)

 

All in all it was a GREAT first birthday and we are looking forward to celebrating Cole for many, many more years to come!

FIFTEEN YEARS

For many, 15 years is not that much.  In the grand scheme of things it is truly only a little drop in the bucket of life.  Yet, for many 15 years seems forever, indeed it is someone’s lifetime.  For me, 15 years symbolizes something special, how long I have been married to my husband!

There are many who were against our marriage.  We were young, Robert was 20 and I was 19.  We had only been out of high school for a year.  We were young, we were naïve, and we thought that we were in love.  Truthfully we had a lot to learn.

Yet, in spite of the naysayers (and there were quite a few of them), we are here celebrating 15 years has of life together.  No, in all honesty it has not all been wedded bliss.  There have been seasons; life has a way of ebbing and flowing forever changing and changing us in the process.  And, we have changed and grown.  We are no longer wide eyed innocents but slowly turning into adults.  We are however, still committed and still in love.

In our marriage love is an active choice.  It is me making his coffee every morning, even though I can’t stand coffee.  It is Robert buying me a Christmas tree or even putting Christmas music on because he knows that I love it.  It is struggles for the covers, cold feet, hands, and noses.  It is sick children or children who just want to be loved and snuggled by their Mama or Daddy for a little while.  It is grocery shopping, laundry, work, and more hard work.  This is our marriage, this is our paradise, and this is our life.  I for one am forever grateful that God created Robert for me and has given me these last 15 years together.  Here’s to 100 more!

December 5, 1997

Anniversary Date: Nov. 30, 2012



THE GREAT CHRISTMAS TREE ADVENTURE

I have never had a real Christmas tree ever.  This year with everything that has happened Robert wanted to make sure that I had something to look forward to, so he started saving and bought us our first ever real tree.  What an adventure that trip was.

First, Robert took us all out to eat for a family meal.  We went to our favorite local restaurant, Jay Bee’s and had some great burgers and fries before we looked at each other and wondered where we would go to get a real tree.  We had seen some trees at Wal-Mart, but when we checked them out they didn’t smell good so Maggie mentioned Publix and off we went.  Half way there I asked Robert HOW we were going to get the tree home since we had no rope to tie it to the top of the van.  He just smiled and said not to worry, so I didn’t.

We arrived at Publix and quickly realized that they had great trees.  We also realized why they were better than Wal-Marts, they were about $15.00 more!  BUT, the smelled great and we had to get one tonight so Ethan could decorate the tree!!  So buy one we did.  There were signs around the tree that said that a lot attendant would help you load the tree to take it home.  So, Robert went in to pay for the tree and ask for an attendant.  They were gone for the night!  I burst out laughing….how were we going to get this mammoth tree home?

Robert and Ethan wheeled the tree out to the van. We opened the back where the stroller is and Robert stared. Tonight it was Mama to the rescue, I ran to the Dollar Tree and bought a $1.00 roll of rope chord. It worked perfectly and we were able to get the new tree home and decorated. The kids love how it looks and how it smells. I love that my wonderful husband knowing how much I love Christmas wanted to do something special for me. I think that we might have just started a new Best Family Tradition!

The boys helping to pick out trees.

Maggie took the pics of Mama and Cole.

Heading to the van.

Mama to the rescue!

The tree fits better on the TOP of the van and not IN the van!

The finished tree.  We had a lot of fun decorating our first real tree this year!

 

November Thirty Days of Thankfulness

Once again this year I undertook the Facebook challenge of finding something to be thankful for everyday in the month of November.  With all that has happened to us, I will be the first to admit that there have been some days that were easier than others to find something to be thankful about.  Some days all I wanted to do was to hide under my covers and not come out.  In spite of my range of emotions, I chose to find something to be thankful for daily!

For me, this exercise in thankfulness has been a huge blessing.  Every day I chose to look at the positive, even when the negative overwhelmed me and threatened to swallow me whole!  I chose to be happy, I chose to be grateful for the live that I have lead, I chose to be thankful for all things that happen; the good, the bad, and the ugly.  I truly think that this has helped me heal after the loss of Samuel in a big way.  I have been looking for reasons to be thankful, and I discovered that I have been abundantly blessed.

The Bible tells us that we should always rejoice, always pray, and always look for a reason to be thankful.  1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 states: “Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” (NIV).  How can one practically rejoice, give thanks, and praise when life is swallowing them alive and feels so horrific it takes every ounce of strength just to breathe?  Easy, focus on blessings.  Focus on the fact that we have hope because of who we are in Christ.  Not sure if you have this hope, you can, all you need to do is admit that you have screwed up ( the Bible calls this sin and let’s face it, we all have) and tell God that you need to be forgiven from these mess ups and need His help to not sin anymore.  Then you start on the greatest journey you have ever known, walking a life with the Creator of the universe, the Creator and Lover of your soul!  Next you look at what you do have in life and you thank God and praise Him for it!

This month has been challenging on many levels.  I am thankful for so very, very much.  I am even thankful for the blessing of being Samuel’s Mama, even if it was for such a short time.  I want to challenge all of us to look for reasons to be thankful throughout December and into the New Year!  After all, if we have Christ, we have enough to be thankful for every second every minute of every day!

 

Week Three: Miscarriage Review: HORRIBLE, ROTTEN, NO GOOD BAD WEEK!

Ok, technically I know that we are not at the end of this week, but hey, I can bend the rules a little.  They say that the third day after surgery is the worst, for me it has been the third week. 

I know that grief comes in stages, but there are some things that I am ready to be done with.  No one warned me that I would have crazy dreams, or even be scared to go to sleep because I was so fearful of hemorrhaging again.  No one warned me that once I was asleep I would dream that I was standing covered in blood.  No one warned me that I would dream we were on a family vacation and that Robert would be riding a horse wearing a baby sling and not let me see the baby he was holding.   No one warned me that sitting in the doctor’s office for the follow up and seeing all the mother’s to be sitting there would make me cry.  No one told me how I would cry on the way home from my appointment because the doctor warned me that I was reaching the age that was going to make it harder to have more children.   No one told me that hearing my sister’s two week old baby on the phone whimpering and squeaking would cause me to break down completely because I know that I will never get to hear my little one squeak or cry.  No one told me how my arms would ache, how my heart would break daily over little trivial things.  No one did.

I know that God is in total and complete control.  I know that I can rest in Him and find grace for the moment, through His strength find the ability to stand and move on.  No one told me that when I would be down in my knees broken hearted asking God to take this ache away He would respond in a very real way and ask me: “Aren’t I enough?”  No one told me that I would have to answer like Hannah: “Yes Lord, even in my despair and broken heartedness, You are enough.”  No one told me how hard it be to admit that I am aching for the feel and sound of another little one and have to admit that even if I never get to experience that again, I have to admit that God is enough. 

Even though it is hard to admit and tell God that He is enough, the reality of the situation is that He is enough.  I have to rest in Him, even on the hard days, weeks, or months.  No one told me the peace that would come with that thought, or even the fact that I would have the courage to admit that it is a hard thing to do.  Yes, this week has been a horrible, rotten, no good bad kind of week.  Thankfully I serve a God that is more than enough!

It’s Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas!

I think that it is no surprise to those who know me that I LOVE Christmas!  It is truly my most favorite time of year.  Robert and I were married 15 years ago in December so I could have a “Christmassy” wedding.  I love the season, the smiles, the gifts, the traditions, and the meaning of Christmas.  Have I mentioned that I just love Christmas?

This year we needed something to cheer us up early, so I broke tradition by starting our Christmas decorating a little bit early this year.  Normally we wait until “Black Friday” to decorate, but this year we started on Monday, decorating one area / room a day until the house was done.  We are going to get our Christmas tree this weekend, breaking tradition again by getting a live tree (my first one ever!), and I am very excited.   This year was really fun for me, I have a new porch to decorate!  With all this Christmas spirit, our house is starting to look a lot like Christmas and this Best Mama is super excited!

Decorating the porch.

I love how this tree looks, all the red, white, and green is so festive!

What a way to welcome Christmas!  I love how our porch looks!

Even the kiddos bathroom gets decorated!

 

My rustic snowmen kitchen cabinets. 

I love the pinecone tree!

E-Man decorated the fireplace, complete with "his" Christmas village on the mantle.

He even added his monster trucks to the village since we didn't have enough antique cars!