DEATH AND GRIEF

Life is so fragile.  Oftentimes we believe that we are invincible, able to do and withstand anything.  We live our lives as if we have all the time in the world.  We do not take the time to do the little things, like hug our loved ones close.  We often think that we have forever, that life on earth will last.  There is no sense of urgency, we think that have all the tomorrow’s that we need.  The reality is that we have no guarantees of anything, let alone tomorrow.

Recently our lives have been hit by a tragedy that has brought us to our knees.  Maggie’s best friend Kelly, a beautiful child of 14, lay down to take a nap and never woke back up.  This beautiful girl had battled asthma and lung issues her entire life.  Her asthma finally won the battle, and we lost her.  The tears that have fallen in our home, myself included, are too numerous to count.  Instead of planning a spring break beach trip where the girls talk about their swimsuits, we are discussing what clothes to bury her in and what should be worn at the funereal.  Instead of laughter at singing favorite songs, we are weeping over the reminder of the beauty of this precious friend.  Instead of laughter, giggles, and smiles there are tears.   

My heart as a mother is so broken that I can’t begin to describe the pain seeing my daughter in pain brings me.  Her tears are a reminder that I can’t walk this path for her.  She has to mourn and grieve in her own way, and I have to step back and watch.  This is not a role that I am good at.  I want to take the pain for her; I want to heal her hurts.  I want her to be two where a kiss on the boo-boo mends everything.  But, I can’t do this.  I have to sit back and watch her walk this path and I have to allow her to grieve in her own way and in her own time.

My heart also breaks for this sweet girl’s family.  I have wept hearing their heartache.  I have sobbed praying for them, asking God to give me some of their grief so that they don’t have to bear this burden alone.  I have cried out to God on their behalf, praying for the mama who has lost her baby of 14 years and begging God to heal their hearts and their hurts.  I have sobbed for them, broken in a way that I have never felt before.  I am torn for this family in a way that I have never felt in my life.  I am crushed, I am broken, and I am devastated.

Grief is a funny thing.  It makes us stop and think about what is important and why it is important.  Grief also makes us question things in a new light. I have never doubted God’s love for me, but I have struggled with this.  I have struggled with the death of this precious baby.  I have struggled with the feelings that this death has brought up with regards to my baby boy’s death a year and a half ago.  I have struggled with the pain that my daughter is dealing with.  I have hurt in ways that I’ve never experienced before.  This venture in grief has been so hard, so new, and so raw.

I do know some things that I can cling to.  The Bible tells us that Jesus wept at the death His friend Lazarus.   This is not to show us that He wasn’t God or unable to heal, rather I believe it is to show us that Christ understands our pain.  Jesus wept because of the pain that death has brought to our lives, to the world.  Death is not supposed to be, it is a result of sin, and sin has destroyed us.  BUT, through Christ, we can rejoice in life and know that in Him we have peace and the access to eternal life.  In the midst of my sorrows, I cling to this truth. 

We will miss Kelly more than words can express.  We will miss her smiles, laughter, and contagious joy.  I will miss the confidence that she empowered Maggie with, the joy that just a short phone conversation brought to my daughter, and the laughter; most of all I think that I will miss the laughter of these two girls just being friends.

Kelly’s brother called to check on Maggie and to tell Maggie just how special she was to Kelly, how much Kelly loved her.  I was amazed that he did that.  In his pain he thought enough of my daughter, his sister’s best friend, to reach out and see if she was okay and to remind her that she was loved and is loved by their family.  I want to tell these precious people that we love them and that Kelly was loved by us all.  I want them to know that we mourn with them and for them.  More than that, I want them to know that Jesus understands too, and he weeps and mourns with us all.

We are in the midst of mourning and walking a new path.  Our hearts and lives are a lot better because of this beautiful girl named Kelly.  We will miss her greatly!

IT’S THE LITTLE THINGS

There is something about the little things in life that make life special and exciting.  There are times in our lives when the exciting and big things really matter and can make or break a day; but for most days it’s the little things that count the most.  Sadly most of us look past the little things and only concentrate on the big things and in doing so we miss out on major blessings.

Take for example, today.  Today was Saturday.  There was nothing extraordinary about today, just another day of life, just a day in the lives of our family.  Yet, looking for small blessings in the little things of today, I can see God’s hand everywhere with little blessings.  

Take this morning for example.  This morning started off as any other morning.  Jacob and I got up at 5:30 for his morning feeding and our serious conversation.  This morning we were joined by Robert who shared his ideas for Christmas gifts this year.  There the three of us were, snuggled in bed and looking at the gifts that Robert wants to give to his children and family to make memories this year.  This was a little thing, but it gave my heart a big blessing.

After we got Jacob back to sleep, Robert and I decided to NOT get up and go back to bed too.  We both slept until 8:30, but the three bigger boys were up by 7:00.  BUT, they did a little thing for us, John Robert and Ethan kept Cole occupied and fixed his breakfast so that we could sleep.  They even turned the coffee pot on for Robert to wake up to a cup of hot coffee.  Nothing out of the ordinary, the boys often keep Cole busy so I can sleep until 8:00 or so in the morning.  Today though, it was a huge blessing to let Robert and I both sleep in.  This is something that we haven’t done together since our St. Augustine trip last year.  Yep, it was another little thing that was a huge blessing.

Now that the whole family was up (Maggie wasn't home yet, she stayed with friends) it was time to get chores started.  Instead of starting the boys off on their chores, Robert decided to take them fishing.  This is not something out of the ordinary, but it was exciting for the boys.  They were bored quickly since the fish weren’t biting, but that didn’t matter.  They came home and all went to work on fixing the chicken coop. Robert, John Robert, Ethan, and even Cole stayed outside together and worked together to fix up the chicken coop.  Nothing extraordinary about this chore, keeping things clean in the chicken coop can be dirty but necessary work!  It was a needed chore that was made even more exciting because the boys were with their Daddy, their hero, a little thing like fishing and cleaning up a chicken coop that made for a big blessing. 

Finally it was time for us to get Maggie from her beach trip that turned into an impromptu slumber party.  Robert waited to go to work so he could pick her up while running his plants.  Nothing extra special about that, he has to work every weekend.  Yet, when Maggie came in she had a little thing for me, a “thank you” for letting her be a teen and have fun.  She brought me some Reese’s peanut butter cups.  A little thing really, just a small gift of thanks that for me is a huge blessing, I love that silly candy.

The Bible tells us in Psalm 118:24 that “This is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it.”  For us, that simple verse describes our day of ordinary little blessings.  There was nothing extra special about today.  It was a Saturday like every other Saturday in our family.  Yet, when we focus on the everyday little blessings, we find that we do have a lot to be thankful for and a lot to rejoice over.  Today was a great day, filled with the little things, and abundantly blessed because it was made for us by God.  In our house, it is the little things!

LOVE IS......

We have been so busy with our lives.  Jacob is going on two months old, I celebrated another birthday, and the big kiddos have started back to school full time.  Yes, our lives are full and busy, but we don’t mid.  Why?  Well mainly because our lives are full of love.

As I have been thinking about what we love, how we love, and why we love certain things; I have been pondering the idea of what LOVE really is.  Most people associate the word love with a feeling.  Personally, I think that we use the word too flippantly in our lives.  If we enjoy a good meal, be it a steak or a hot dog, oftentimes we say “I LOVE that!”  If we see something that catches our eye, a new car, a new toy, or in my case new bags or jewelry; we will say “I LOVE that!”  Yet, the reality is that love is more than a feeling or a flippant expression. 

Love is an action, a series of items that when combined give us a beautiful picture of love.  The best definition of LOVE that I have found is in 1 Corinthians.  Most people know this definition of love.  It is used often at weddings as the ideal that the couple getting married has achieved this level of love.  Most people read 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 as the LOVE chapter.  They read the verses and smile.  I read the verses and feel convicted. Here’s why!

The LOVE chapter in verses four through seven states:

 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Right away I can see that I am NOT loving nor am I full of real love.  At any given moment I lose my patience.  At any given moment I can be unkind.  Some days I brag about my accomplishments.  Most days I am easily angered when things don’t go my way.  I harbor hurts or what I feel are injustices against my person and do not want to forgive but want to stew and remember them for many days, months, and even years to come.  I don’t always want to hear the truth let alone rejoice in it, especially if the truth goes against what I think and feel.  I don’t always protect, I don’t always trust, and I lose hope and give up the fight too often.  Based on this definition of love, I am the most unloving person of all.

BUT, I don’t want to be unloving.  I want to be all of the virtues of love in action.  I want to be patient and kind.  I want to persevere and have hope.  I want to not brag on myself but esteem others.  I want to be LOVE, but I know that left to my own devices and that if I rely on my own strengths I will showcase my greatest weakness, an inability to love.  I need an example of how to DO all the things that are needed to show love.  Thankfully, I have that example in the personhood of Jesus Christ.

When I am purposing to love, I only have to look at Christ.  His very words and actions showed what real love is.  His very life was lived fully and completely demonstrating and practicing the idea that love is a verb.  Knowing this, when I set my sites on Him and mimicking His life, I can LOVE perfectly.  Sadly, I don’t choose to do this often.

As I sit here, listening to my children laugh, watching a baby smile and coo, and thinking of what I need to get up and take care of in my home I realize I have a choice.  I can choose to live the example given to me by Christ in His perfect examples of love, or I can do things my way and continue to be unloving.  Today, I choose LOVE.  Will I fail?  Most definitely, but I will continue to strive to LOVE the right way.

BIRTHDAY PLANNING

It is time to begin our annual birthday party planning.  This year we will have a 14 year old, an 11 year old, a 7 year old, and a 3 year old to plan parties for.  We will also have a new month to add for next year when our little big man turns 1 in January.  We have a lot of birthdays to plan for.

This year I have a couple of ideas for birthday themes.  I know that Ethan wants to have a cowboy party.  One of his all time favorite TV shows is Daniel Boone.  (Yep, the old TV show starring Fess Parker!)  So we might mix it up and have a Cowboys and Indians party.  I think that will be lots of fun!  I am also considering having his birthday at the “old” park in town.  We will soon have two parks to choose from since the city is working on fixing the older park up again, and I LOVE all the trees there.  It might be the perfect place for a Cowboys and Indians party!

The next theme that I know of is Cole’s, but we have tons of time to plan for it.  He loves Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, particularly the “Hot Dog Song”, so I’m thinking a Mickey Mouse party will be in order.  Once again I’m thinking play park, but we will see since I have until December for this one.

Lastly I’m already contemplating a FIRST birthday for big little man.  I LOVE the Little Man themes with the mustaches, but I still have plenty of time to gather my thoughts and plan this party out.  I will keep checking Etsy, my party inspiration website for fun ideas between now and next year!

So there you have it, three out of five kiddo’s birthday theme ideas.  Now I just need to sit the big ones down and decide what to do for them!  I LOVE planning my kiddo’s birthdays.  Nothing makes me happier than celebrating my children in a big way!