I NEED NEW SHEETS

Yes, I know that in the grand scheme of life, needing new sheets is not that big of a deal. I know that there are people the world over, some even here in our home town who would willingly give everything they had for a bed, let alone one with comfortable sheets and blankets. I know this and I realize that needing sheets is really no big deal, but in a little way right now for me, it is.

Yes, I get that this is totally crazy and maybe a little self centered.  BUT, my bed is the only thing that I have in this entire house that I can say is mine.  Yes, I do share it with my husband, and yes he does have a say in what linens are on it.  That is why I have a quilt and not a comforter and which is why there is no leopard print on it.  BUT, the sheets were all mine.  They are a light golden tan with flowers and swirls.  They are soft Egyptian cotton, luxury at its best for me in a home surrounded by rough and tumble men and boys.   There are no horses, no FL Gator emblems, no roosters, and no deer on them.  There are no dirt splotches, no stains from clay or mud, and no bleach stains or marks from permanent markers. Even Maggie climbs into my bed, snuggles down, and sighs that these sheets are super soft and perfectly comfortable.  They are my solace on hard days, the place that I lay my head when I am down, the bed where I forget about all our troubles, they are my safe haven; and I’ve discovered some holes

Yep, my favorite sheets are threadbare, and they are only three years old.  Oh, don’t get me wrong, they are probably used more than sheets should have been used.  They are washed faithfully every week, dried lovingly in a dryer that has more smart settings than I know what to do with, but always on the bed linen selection.  Then they are always put right back on my bed.  Every week for the past three years this has been our loving routine, my sheets and I.  No wonder why my poor sheets are threadbare, that’s no less than 156 washings.  Don’t forget to add the extra washes if someone has crawled into Mama and Daddy’s bed who has been sick or wet through their diapers.  Yep, that’s a good reason why my bottom sheets are starting to have holes appear.

In spite of this and yes I will readily admit to the silliness of this, I am not ready to give them up.  Everything that I truly love has been regulated to be hidden in closets or inside of cabinets and high shelves.  Oh don’t misconstrue me, there are touches of me in my house all around, but they are touches; I don’t have an area that is just mine. Even my bathroom makeover now has bath toys and baby tubs sharing its space.  And no, I wouldn’t have it any other way, but sometimes it’s nice to have something that is just for you, your own space, your own special thing.  For me that is a set of queen sheets and maybe just maybe that is why I am so bummed about this.  

Being a wife and a mother means a lot of sacrificing.  Oftentimes I am referred to as so and so’s Mom or Robert’s wife.    A lot of people don’t even know my first name!  Don’t get me wrong, I don’t complain and I do love my life, but I miss “me” time and “me” things!  In many ways learning how to die to myself and sacrifice who I am to be the wife and mother that I am supposed to be is hard, really hard, and I just want a place in this house that is mine too.  Maybe one day I’ll have that space for my scrapbook stuff, for my own desk not covered in school related items, for a kitchenette, and my bubble bath to be on display.  Maybe one day, but for now I’ll use my bed as my solace and place of refuge and show off who I am in my sheets.

So for now I guess it’s time for me to get out my extra sheets.  They are plain golden beige and are okay but just not the same.  Then I guess I need to start bed linen shopping.  SIGH!  I’m going to miss my sheets.

AN ASPIRIN A DAY TO KEEP HEART ATTACKS AWAY.

One of my all time favorite movie quotes is from Forrest Gump:  “Life is like a box of chocolate, you’ll never know what you'll get.”  For our lives, and dare I say it, for almost everyone’s lives, that is a very true statement.  Life is different, unique, challenging, and some days really hard.  Each day is so different, you will never know what you’re going to find.  Even on what seems to be a mundane ordinary day can end in a life altering way.  Monday, May 19, 2014 was that kind of day for us.

Our day started off as usual, kind of.  I had been up almost all night not feeling great with my allergies and sinus pressure going crazy.  Robert got up and headed off to work as usual, nothing extra ordinary there.  Functioning on only three hours of sleep was really getting to me and by 1:30 I told Maggie that I had to lie down.  I put Cole and Jacob in bed with me, put my phone on silent, and tried to catch a nap.  Cole fell promptly to sleep, Jacob tossed and turned, nursed, fussed, nursed, and then fussed some more.  Maggie took him and tried to rock him.  I dozed off and on.  Around 3:00 I gave up and reached for my phone to take it off silent.  That’s when I read the text.

Don’t panic, I’m ok.  

Had some chest pains so I am in the ER here in Lakeland.

Don’t panic, yeah right!  Of course I immediately called, didn’t get an answer, called again, called again, and Robert finally answered.  I grabbed Jacob, changed into a non bleach stained shirt, and made the 45 minute trip to Lakeland ER.  On the way I called my folks, Robert’s parents, made arrangements for kiddos, and prayed.  As funny as this sounds, all I could think was he couldn’t die on me, I had just ordered Cole and Jacob some cute Father’s Day shirts from Old Navy and Robert hadn’t even seen them yet. 

At the ER I went in and watched the monitor closely.  All of Robert’s vital signs looked great, as a matter of fact, his blood pressure was better than mine!  The doctor came in and said that everything looked good, the blood work, EKG, and x-ray were all clear.   This meant we had two choices, admit him for 48 hours for a stress test or make an appointment for a stress test.  Of course Robert wanted out of the hospital, so he agreed to make a follow up appointment and be evaluated for a stress test.  We were sent home with a prescription for aspirin daily and the phone number of who to follow up with.  Tuesday, Robert was back to work as normal, I was getting aspirin and setting up appointments, and trying to not totally panic.

Robert told me it felt like lead was sitting on his chest.  That feeling spread into his abdomen and then his arms starting tingling.  He also said that he was pretty certain it was just a stress induced anxiety attack, which he didn’t think it was a heart attack, even though that was what his symptoms showed.

 I will be the first to admit that Robert has been under a lot of stress.  I will also be the first to admit that I do not understand what it feels like to be a hard working man who must provide for a large family.   What I do know is that this has really, honestly and truly, scared me more than I have admitted to everyone.  As a matter of fact, I’m pretty terrified about becoming a widow at 36.  More than that I’m terrified that my five little ones will not be able to grow up with their Daddy.   This is something that has caused me two very restless and sleepless nights. 

I do know that God is in control.  I do know that I am not to be anxious for anything or to worry about tomorrow.  I do know that I am to trust God in all things.  I do know what Christ has done for me in the past, and that He loves me more than I can fathom.  I do know all of this, I do believe all of this, but I am still battling with very real fear too.  This just shows how imperfect I am.

So we are waiting for Robert’s follow up appointment and if his referral for a stress test.  In the meantime, Robert is purposing to relax more, taking his aspirin nightly, and looking into ways to be less stressed about life.  We are talking about a short family vacation and maybe a weekend away for just the two of us.  We are also looking at eating less, exercising more, and being better and more responsible about our lives in general.

An aspirin a day to keep heart attacks away sounds really good to me!  I’m praying that with God’s grace that small pill is all that will be needed and Robert and I can continue our lives together, for at least 50 more years.  Truthfully even another 50 isn’t long enough.

CLOTH DIAPERING

It has been two weeks since we started our cloth diapering adventure.  I must admit that I was a bit skeptical of starting this path.  I have used nothing but disposable with all of my kiddos and honestly thought I wouldn’t use anything but disposables.  I must admit that I do love Huggies diapers, especially for my boys.  In spite of my love and loyalty to Huggies, having two in diapers was getting costly, especially with the rising cost of food and our family size.  So I ventured into cloth diapering.

Let me say, two weeks into cloth diapering, I LOVE IT! 

When I told my mom I was going to be using cloth diapers she started telling me how I had to soak in bleach, dry on the clothes line, and then wash in hot water, then rinse again, and finally more clothes line time.  All of that was just for wet diapers; I won’t even get into the necessary steps for a messy diaper!  UGH!  I was totally over whelmed at that thought!  This was supposed to make my life easier, not more complicated! Then my friend arrived with her stash, and it was so full of options.  There were pocket diapers, AIO (all in one diaper), diaper covers, prefolds, inserts, doublers, wipes.  Then there were all the different diaper folds.  Like the Diva Fold, the Newspaper Fold, or the Angel Fold!  AHHH…..I felt like I was drowning!  So I asked my sister-in-law who sent me an awesome email detailing how she used cloth diapers on my nephew.  I researched what brands were best, decided to use prefold diapers, snappis, and diaper covers.  I ordered some prefolds, covers, doublers, and wipes from diaper junction, (mainly because they offered diaper service quality diapers on sale, A GREAT THING!), and haven’t looked back!

The generously shared starter stash!

Some of my new FLUFF!

Prepping the new diapers, yep, I spent a Saturday boiling diapers!

I LOVE how easy modern cloth diapering can be!  I also love how simple it is to use.  More than that I love how I am saving us money.   I have a large enough stash of diapers that I don’t have to wash diapers every day, I usually wash every other day.  There is also no magic wash formula that I use.  I use our regular detergent do a cold water rinse, hot water wash with an extra cold water rinse, line dry, and then fluff in the dryer.  It is actually more complicated for me to wash Robert’s work clothes than the diapers!   I will admit that I still use disposable diapers on Sunday when we are at church; it’s just simpler for the nursery workers.  I also still use disposables at night, I haven’t found the right nighttime combo yet, and it’s just easier than changing sheets every morning.

Aren't diapers on the clothes line cute?!?

I must admit, I never thought that I’d be one who loves cloth diapering, but I do!  I love the “fluff” (all the fun diaper prints and options.  I love folding diapers, in spite of the fact that I hate folding laundry, ironic huh!?  More than that, I love how Jacob looks in his cloth diapers; it makes his bottom look so fluffy!

Cloth diapering…..it’s fun and easy!  WOW!  Surprised me too!

ETHAN IS 7!

Poor Ethan had an upset tummy on his “real” birthday so we had to reschedule his party.  Because of that, none of the friends we invited were able to make it, but that didn’t stop us from having a birthday blast!  This past Saturday we got to gather with family at Barney’s Dream Play Park in Lake Wales to celebrate Ethan turning 7!  Per the birthday boy’s request we had a cowboy themed party.  As usual, I made all of the party décor and tried to make his birthday extra special.  The only real issue we had was that it was so windy at the park (which made for GREAT weather to play in), I couldn’t set everything up.  Even the cupcakes were blown off the cupcake holder!  The wind was insane!

Of course Ethan made out like a bandit, all of our kiddos do!  And, of course, his favorite gift was his cards that had money in them, (what can I say, those are my favorite gifts too!), but what struck me this year was how he’s now showing how grown up he is.  We’ve been to the store a couple of times now, and he is really putting a lot of thought into what he buys.  Yes, he has bought some toys (specifically army and police action play sets), but he has also bought cokes to share with his siblings, dive sticks to play with everyone in the pool, and handed me money to run through the car wash with.  (I did give that back, but it’s still super sweet of him).  What really blessed my heart was when the offering plate was passed at church; his wallet came out without us saying anything.  To me, this shows his true giving character and gives me a glimpse of the man he is growing up to be.

My Ethan is now 7!  I am in awe of the young man he is growing up to be!  Every day is a new adventure and surprise with me sweet, funny, precocious, and adventurous boy.   Here’s to an awesome year of being a boy and being 7!

PERFECTLY IMPERFECT MAMA CELEBRATES MOTHER’S DAY!

I am a perfectly imperfect mama.  I have lots of faults, make lots of mistakes, and pretty much screw up at least 100 times; and that’s always before noon!  Yep, I’m a perfectly imperfect mama, raising perfectly imperfect kiddos, and living a perfectly imperfect life.  One of the blessings of living this way means that once a year, the kiddos and my husband decide to celebrate Mother’s Day and honor me.

My day started off with a glorious breakfast.  Robert got up and made me scrambled eggs and ham wrapped and baked in a delicious golden brown crescent roll crust.  It’s one of my all time favorite breakfasts ever.  It is super yummy, easy, and delicious.  The smell of my breakfast was so enticing, yet my sleepy children slept right through it. Since our sleepy heads would not wake up, Robert gave me my present, and after 16.5 years of marriage he knows me well!  My Mother’s Day gift was some Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, Strawberry Twizzlers, and some special massage lotion. In spite of my squeal of delight, the kiddos still slept!  I had to wake everyone up with only 30 minutes to spare to get them ready for church where Cole and I attended the Preschool Mother’s Day Tea.  The tea was a lot of fun; Cole even made me a vase with his hand print which he lovingly smeared instead of placing on the vase.  After the wonderful tea we headed over to the sanctuary for the church’s traditional baby dedication ceremony.  Of course we had Jacob dedicated in his special outfit Nana and Papa bought for him. 

After church it was time for lunch.  We spent the day with Robert’s family, enjoying the company of his Mom, George, and his grandparents; we dined on steaks, baked potatoes, broccoli salad, guava pound cake, and grasshopper pie.  We laughed, talked, and ate; just as we always do when we get together as a family.  Then I did the one thing that I really wanted to do, I got to take a nap!  It was a simple and glorious day!

My day was perfectly imperfect.  I loved everything about it, right down to the paper that Ethan filled out in church saying that my favorite store is Publix, that I am as smart as he is, and that I’m as sweet as sugar.  I loved how John Robert made me a card with red flowers just because he knew they were my favorite.  I loved how my vase from Cole had a smeared hand print.  I loved how Cole’s teachers offered to remake it but I refused, simply because it was perfectly imperfect made by my imperfect son.  I loved how Maggie posted her message on Instagram while telling me that Robert forgot to get a card from the kiddos. I loved how Robert willingly rocked the baby and held him in the recliner for almost two hours so I could nap.

Our family is far from perfect. We have our squabbles, issues, and problems.  We are learning and growing together. My imperfect family is perfect for me and they made my Mother’s Day the perfect day

CLOTH DIAPERS…..AM I CRAZY?

In my quest to learn and do things in our family life that are better for our family, the health of our home, and the health of the Earth; I have decided to try cloth diapers.  GULP!  Yep, me, the woman who swore she would NEVER use cloth diapers has started an experiment with them this week.  Never say never right! HA!

In our process of going more natural and looking at what is best for our family, I could not move on in this process without looking at cloth diapers.  The impact of disposable diapers is not being fully felt; after all when I was a baby (30 odd years ago), disposable diapers were a new thing.   What we do know is that disposable diapers cost a lot of money, and with two little ones in diapers, that money can add up quickly.  So I have to be totally honest when I say that money is a primary motivator in this experiment.

Like any good modern woman, I did a GOOGLE search of anything that has to do with cloth diapering.  One of my favorite go to blogs about this subject is the Eco Friendly Family by Amanda Hearn.  I love how honest and detailed she is in her description of green life, including cloth diapers.  Honestly, I don’t think that there is a cloth diaper topic that she leaves out, from prep to overall care, she covers everything.  Her blog really helped me take the leap into cloth diapers.  More than that, the money savings posts really pushed me over the edge.  A great example of this is found in the blog post on Squawk Fox.  Really, this break down is humorous and pretty true! It was also from this post that I realized there is a resale market for cloth diapers, something you can’t do with disposables!  Add to that the texts and messages between myself and a dear friend and my sister-in-law and I thought that I was ready to make an informed decision.

Armed with all this information, I have decided to take the plunge.  I spent my diaper budget for Jacob and decided to purchase cloth instead of disposables diapers.  I was also blessed to be given a stash to work with until I found what I liked and worked best for us.  I am going to try cloth diapering for at least a month.  I’ll keep you posted about what I learn along the way! 

Am I crazy?  Maybe, but then again, maybe not, only time can tell.  Here’s to continuing to learn, change, and make healthy choices for our family, even if it means cloth diapering!