HAPPY BIRTHDAY IN HEAVEN SAMUEL!

Today two years ago my world was forever rocked when we learned that our fifth baby and fourth son was no longer with us here on earth but was Heaven born.  There have been a lot of changes in our lives since then.  We have welcomed another son whom we love and adore.  We have seen time pass and children get older and more responsible.  We have been blessed abundantly by God as we continue to walk the path that He has called us to walk. We have also struggled as we continue to walk the path that God has asked us to walk.  In spite of the hardships and changes, one constant remains the same; we have never forgotten Samuel.

Samuel would have been born sometime in April which would have made him almost two.  The other day when Ethan and I were alone he asked me if I ever thought of Samuel.  He told me that he thinks of him from time to time. He said that he can see him as a two year old who wasn’t mean like Cole is, but who was sweet. 

“He’d have blonde hair Mama, and he’d have Daddy’s shaped head and feet.  He’d get into all my toys like Cole does.” Then he said the words that cut my heart to the core and made me so thankful to be driving so he couldn’t see my tears. “I miss him a lot Mama and think of him when I’m in my bed.  Do you miss him too?”

Yes, my precious son, I miss your baby brother daily.  I miss seeing the little boy he would have been or the man he would have become.  I miss walking the floor with him in my arms.  I miss snuggles, kisses, laughter, tears, and the joy that would have been Samuel.  I have peace and can pen this without tears in my eyes because I know that my son is resting in the arms of Christ today, but I still miss him.

Today is the anniversary of the day that my world was turned upside down.  Today is the anniversary of the day that I had to give back one of the most important things in the world to me, my son.  Today I mourn him and remember him.  Today I can also find joy in his life.  I find joy knowing that I will hold my son one day.  I find joy knowing that my son is waiting on me.  I find joy knowing that my children miss him and remember him as well. 

HAPPY 2^nd HEAVEN BORN BIRTHDAY SAMUEL!  WE LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU!