SOUND ADVICE

Lately I have noticed a trend, especially within the confines of my personal life.  People feel that they are free to do or say whatever they choose to me or my family about the choices that we make, the way we parent, or our family size.  Most of the time I purpose to shake these remarks off.  Sometimes I am successful at letting the remarks roll of my back, like water off a ducks back.  I know that the people are doing this because they care.  In reality this unwarranted advice is often hurtful, unfounded, and sometimes just plain rude.

I am not perfect, far from it.  I will readily admit to my lack of perfection on any given day at any given moment.  However, the way that I purposefully choose to live my life within the confines of my immediate family, specifically my husband and my children, is just that; my life.  The choices that are made that affect my family are not choices that we take lightly.  Most people do not understand the dynamic of our family.  They do not see how Robert and I discuss and research what we feel are the best choices for our lives.  They do not see the time that we spend in prayer, purposefully seeking God’s will for our lives.  They do not see the in depth family conversations we have, purposefully asking the children how they think or feel about a thought or idea we are have about something that will affect our family.  They do not see how the children willingly and actively seek Robert and me out before they do anything.   All that people see is the results of our choices, and we are judged harshly for them.

I do not need to be told how to parent, how my children should or should not respond to me is quite frankly none of your business.  If I am not concerned with their responses, if I am pleased with their heart attitudes, if I know that they are responding to me with a joke that is known to our family, then take your cues for me.  Your thoughts are irrelevant to the matter.  The choices that I make in our family’s grocery intake, entertainment choices, and even my medical care choices are, in all honesty, none of your concern.   If my family is thriving, if they are relatively happy and are productive members of society, then my husband and I, their parents, have done our jobs.  Who they associate with, talks to, and how they learn and grow are, with all due respect, none of your business.  If my family is happy, that is all that matters to me.  Your thoughts and valued 

ideals are not my priority. 

Raising my children according to what we believe is of import  and is what matters most.  We purposefully follow Proverbs 22:6, “Teach a youth about the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” (HCSB).  For us this means following a Biblical life model as well as teaching behavior that encourages the growth of a child as an individual.  Trust me, as the mother of five kiddos, I can tell you that all my children are different and should be and will be treated as such.

I do not offer unsolicited advice.  It’s not my place to tell you how to manage your home or your life.  I will willingly come alongside you if you ask for my help, but I will not be intrusive.  It doesn’t matter that I’m your mother, sister, aunt, or friend.  My ideals are mine, they aren’t yours and the way that works for me might not work for you.  However, I am going to break my rule today and quote a rule I found in my new mommy handbook from my prenatal provider.  Ready?  Here it is:

                




'We don’t need your advice.  Seriously.  You might think

you have a better way of doing something.  That’s great, but now is not the time to offer it.  Go home, type up your advice in an email.  Proof read your email, twice, and then wait.  If it still seems important, send it to us in two weeks."

I think that this is sound advice.  I don’t have to justify any of my life choices to anyone.  I won’t be justifying any of my life choices to anyone.  I will defend my children and stand behind them all the time.  If I don’t ask for it, I don’t need your advice, input, or parenting “wisdom”.  I am pleased with my family.  Most importantly, my husband is pleased with my family.  Take my sound advice and stop offering yours.