MISCARRIAGE: Week Two Review and Being Thankful

I must admit that I was really leery about getting together with everyone this week for Thanksgiving.  We have family that is expecting and family that just had their babies arrive (safely but early), and while I am thrilled for them and with them the need to be around all the joy of a new baby seemed a bit much to me.  I must admit that I was in “bad” shape Thanksgiving morning worrying about something that had not happened yet and how people would respond.  BUT, Thanksgiving was a great day and helped me in more ways than I thought.

First of all, the children and I had something to look forward to.  After Thanksgiving comes Christmas and while I usually wait until Black Friday to decorate, this year I started on Monday and took the decorating one room / area at a time.  The kiddos and I really enjoyed this and it gave us something happy and exciting to look forward to everyday.  Ethan was my biggest helper, he always is.  He even swept the porch off for me singing Jingle Bells the whole time.  It made us smile and we enjoyed the “fun” times of this tradition as a family.

Thursday, as I mentioned was a hard day for me.  However, I knew that there was a lot that I needed to practice saying THANK YOU to Christ for.  I kept coming back to the cross.  I know that Christ is holding my little Samuel in His hands until I can get there and I knew that I could be thankful for nothing else besides this fact than I had enough.  It was sobering to think this and yet it was a great reminder.  I am thankful that I had Samuel for the brief time that I did, but because of my relationship with my Creator, I know that I will have him for eternity very soon.

Looking for things to be thankful for has helped me some.  I still have teary moments.  I still have moments that are hard; hard to breathe hard to think, hard to remember to smile, hard to be normal, but I am practicing to be thankful even in the midst of these hard moments and dare I admit even be thankful for the hard moments.  It is in these moments that I know that Christ is with me always.  Knowing this, I can praise God and be thankful for all things.  This is not an easy task, but it is a choice that I make willingly.

I am not there yet, but I am on the way.  Knowing that I am not walking this path alone but have Christ with me every step of the way gives me something else to be thankful for too!