Three Months

Today has been three months since I lost my precious little Samuel, or as I tell the children the day that he was born into Heaven.  Today has not been easy for me on many levels.  These past two weeks I have been off schedule and out of routine which is driving me nuts.  Add to that the memory of what today is, and not happy-go lucky skip through life kind of mood.

I am, however, thankful for so many blessings.  I am thankful for my sister and her support.  I love how encouraging she is when I need it most, even if she is having her own issues.  I am thankful for my husband and the love that he freely gives.  I am thankful for my children, for the laughter that they bring to my Mama’s heart.  I am thankful for the privilege of finding joy even when life seems joyless. 

 

No, I am not having a great day today.  I know why.  I also know who holds my heart, and I can rest knowing that joy always comes in the morning, He told me so!

“For His anger lasts only a moment, but His favor, a lifetime. Weeping may spend the night, but there is joy in the morning.” Psalm 30:5 (HCSB)

YOUTH FAIR 2013

I know that I have been MIA lately here in the blogging world.  I am sorry; it’s not that I haven’t had any great things to say.  It’s just that we have been uber busy and, well, that’s life!  We just finished up with the two oldest kiddos participating in their first ever Polk County Youth Fair.  Boy, has it changed from when I was a kid, but I also think that my perspective is different since I am now there as a parent and not an exhibitor.

First, let me state that both kiddos did great.  Maggie participated in the cake auction, the digital photography contest, and showed her rabbit.  John Robert showed his Rhode Island Red Bantam rooster and pullets.  Both kiddos won blue ribbons (first place) for their animals. This made my Mama heart burst with pride.  Almost like I had been the one who had raised the animals myself, I was that proud.  Maggie also placed with a white ribbon (third place) with her photograph and in the cake auction. 

Dropping off Magpie.

The prize winning bunny!

 Maggie and her homemade Lane Cake.

She won third place too!

Maggie's photo of Socks our old horse that placed as well.

John Robert checking on things in the chicken barn.

Little Red was happy to have some water this day, it was HOT!

Buckshot took home a blue ribbon!  This Mama strutted like a proud rooster some too!

I hope that the kids, all of them, will treasure these memories as much as I did.  I hope that this past week of crazy schedules, running back and forth to Bartow everyday will forever be in their memory as some of the best times in their lives.  That is what Youth Fair was for their Daddy and I!

STRUGGLES

There are things that we all struggle with.  There are things that we all need to learn to change and let go.  There are issues that plague our hearts and born into our minds to the point that we worry about them and cannot let them go.  Today has been that kind of day for me.

I have been in the Word.  I have cried.  I have tried to rest.  I am still restless.  I hate this part of humanity.   I hate the way I struggle to not be in the flesh but to walk in the spirit and feel like a failure in the process.  I hate the lonely way my heart feels.  I hate the tears that come so easily.  It is not an easy day.

In spite of the way that I feel, there are some things that I can do.  I can choose to praise God no matter what.  I can choose to keep moving, one foot slowly going in front of the other as I try to navigate through the pain that I feel in my emotions.  I can choose to be thankful as I struggle to remember who I am.

I know that God has awesome plans and dreams for me.  He told me so.  I know that I am not done yet; I am still learning and growing into His image.  There are some days that growing up hurts.  Today just happens to be one of those days.  I know that tomorrow will be better; joy comes in the morning light!  God, through His word, told me so!

HOMESCHOOLING TOOLS

Today I was asked about homeschooling!  While I firmly believe that it s the route that is best for my family, I am not naïve enough or narrow minded enough to believe that it is the BEST choice for every family!  I have already given a list of why we chose to homeschool, you can read about it here .For now, let’s move onto today.

Today I was asked what tools I use to homeschool.  I am a Sonlight Mama in and out.  I love the literature.  I love books (hence the English major in college), and I love reading to my children on a daily basis.  More than that I LOVE that all the lesson plans are done for me in the neat and tidy IG’s (instructor guides) that Sonlight prepares.  I love that using this curriculum for our reading, geography, and history also frees me up to look at other methods and teaching styles while fueling my need for good books.  I love how my children learn by reading.   I love how once I have purchased the books I can reuse them again and again for each little Best that we are blessed with! OH ~ Did I mention that I love the books?

I also firmly believe in the Charlotte Mason educational style of teaching.  I do not believe in tons of work books or “twaddle” just to keep children busy.  I think that children learn by being exposed to classical music, great art, and being outside daily!  Noting this, I have fallen in love with Queen’s Homeschool Language Lessons, Copy work Series, Pictures in Cursive, and Learning to Spell series.  I love that my son who struggles with proper writing is developing into a great writer by modeling the thoughts of other great writers and speakers.  I love the way that there is art work incorporated into the lessons.  I love the way that the lessons encourage narration and imaginative story telling.  I love the way that the lessons encourage my children to look at the world and then critically THINK about the world. 

Math is not one of my favorite subjects, but thanks to Math U See, even this mathematically challenged Mama is mastering the skills for math and learning along with her kiddos!  Math is fun.  Math does explain the world.  Math U See makes sense.  I love how it incorporates a Charlotte Mason feel while engaging the kids in all of their senses to learn how to use math.  It shows how to apply math to real life and master it at the same time. 

These are the tools that I use to educate my children at home.  Homeschooling is not for everyone, but for us it works.  We are all learning and growing together, and I for one would not have it any other way!!!!

CONSISTENCY

I have a hard time being consistent in certain areas of my life.  There are times when I am able to really focus and do well in an area.  At these times I feel like I am a great person who can do anything and make it all happen!  Then there are times that I am not consistent at all!  I feel like the proverbial “S” for Super Woman has fallen off my chest and I can’t get myself organized yet alone soar through the sky with the best of them.  The main area that I struggle to be consistent in (and I almost hate to admit this) is carving out quiet time with God.

YES, I said it out loud!  I have a hard time making myself sit quietly at Christ’s feet on a daily basis!  BUT, I made a decision that this year I would be better at being consistent in this one area of my life.  Enter today.  It has been two months since we lost Samuel.  This week I was given a physical and real tangible reminder that I am really no longer going to have a baby!   Last night and this morning were horrible.  Truthfully I just didn’t feel good or physically feel like doing anything.  Attack number one on being consistent and I have only been trying to do this for three whole days!  In spite of the way that I felt, in spite of my tears, I got out my Bible and was consistent!  My day has not been perfect.  I still don’t feel great!  I had to take a nap.  I have cried over baby commercials and seeing crib bedding advertised on line.  BUT I can say that today I took the first real step towards being consistent in my quiet time. 

There is still no “S” on my chest.  That’s okay; I’d rather there is a Bible in my lap any day!

NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS

It’ January of 2013!  Wow!  I cannot believe that we are at the start of another new year.  I cannot believe that in a few months time will have flown and I will have a 13 year old, a 10 year old, a 6 year old, and a 2 year old all here!  It seems like just yesterday my almost teenage daughter was entering into our world and then….BAM…..this year she is 13!

At this time of year people often begin to look at what they want to change about themselves.  Sure, I’d like to lose weight, but if I am going to be totally honest; I like food way too much to try to diet!  Sure I’d like to get organized, but if I am going to be totally honest; it’s a lot of hard work and I really don’t have the time or money (organizational stuff is not cheap!), to do that!  Sure I’d like to be a Super Wife and Mom, but if I am going to be totally honest, I’m, just me!  Nothing can really change that, or can it?

All of this I’d like to but……thinking led me to one conclusion.  I am not supposed to make New Year Resolutions.  Truthfully I don’t believe that a person can really honestly and truly change who they are.  I personally believe that a person can only change when they totally surrender who they are at the foot of the Cross and decide to follow Christ whole heartedly.  While a lot of people spent New Year’s Day looking forward, I spent mine in reflection and prayer.  I asked God to continue the work that He has started in me by stripping me away and replacing my bareness with Him.  I asked Him to continue to grow me, even when it hurts.  I told God that no matter what, He is good and He is enough.

I am not planning on making any New Year’s Resolutions for 2013.  Instead I plan on asking God to change me into the woman that He wants me to be!  What kind of adventure I am about to undertake, I don’t know, but I know that no matter what 2013 brings, God is good and He is enough!

MEMORIES

We all have memories.  Some are good while others are painful.  No matter what, we all have memories.  Memories are good to have; they remind us of who we are, where we have come from, and even more importantly mold us to make our future choices.  Most people use today, December 31^st to remember their past year.  They look at their successes and failures and shape New Year’s Resolutions to change things about themselves into what they want.  I don’t do that.  I take December 31^st and remember one of the most important men in my life, my Grandpa. 

My Grandpa, John Howard Peacock, would have been 82 years old today.  That’s right, December 31^st was his birthday.  That reason and that reason alone, Grandpa’s birthday, is what makes today so special.  I don’t choose to reflect on my past year, I choose to focus on my Grandpa.  He was an amazing man.

I remember hearing stories of his enlistment in the Air Force during “the Big War”.  He lied about his age, leaving his small home in Avon Park to help fight for his country.  I remember hearing stories about how the Air Force had to “retrain” the way that he spoke so they could understand him over the radio; I guess that is where I get my “twang” from.  I remember hearing stories of how he met my Grandmother in New York on a blind date on Halloween.  I remember hearing about their month long honeymoon so they could come to Florida so Grandma could meet her in-laws.  I remember hearing stories about Vietnam, their adventures living overseas and in California.  I remember hearing about how he beat my parents to the hospital when they went into labor with me.  I remember hearing the stories and seeing the pictures on how he was the first person that I walked to and yes it was because he was holding a present out to me when I was only 9 months old.

More than the stories that I remember hearing I remember talking to my Grandpa as I got older.  I remember hearing his voice answer the phone when I would call.  I remember hearing “Hey Jennie”, like I was the one person that he was waiting to talk to that day.  I remember him telling me how much he liked Robert when I was still in high school and we were still dating.  I remember him telling me when we got engaged that I had a good man.  I remember his joy when we had Maggie and his excitement when we had our first son and named him John.  I remember his hugs, his smiles, his life with such loving joy that I can honestly say that I can’t believe it has been nearly 2 years since he left me.

More than anything, when I remember my Grandpa, I remember love.  He loved me no matter what.  He supported me no matter what.  He thought that I was special because I was his first born granddaughter.  He loved me, and I loved him too!

Today as I think of my Grandpa and all that he was in this life, I smile knowing that he is waiting for me with Christ.  I smile because I know that he is holding my precious Samuel and rocking him the way he held all babies, and he loved a baby!  I miss him.  I miss hearing his voice.  I miss seeing his smile. I miss hearing him laugh.  I miss his hugs.  I miss our chats.  I miss his cooking.

Today I remember more than a year, I remember the man.  These memories are so sweet!  Happy Birthday Grandpa Peacock!  I LOVE YOU!!!!!