It's been almost 20 years since I graduated high school. Robert was class of 1995 and I was class of 1996, so technically he's already been out of school for 20 years. Recently on Facebook I was added to the group that is planning our high school reunion. In 2016 I will have been out of high school for 20 years. I must admit that I have mixed feeling about this, very mixed.
I enjoyed high school, but I don't feel like I ever really "fit" in. I didn't grow up with the kids, we moved down when I was in 8th grade. I hear people say that high school was their favorite time of their lives. For me, that is simply not the case. I wasn't happy with who I was in high school. I never felt like I really fit in. I wasn't sure of who I was, let alone who I was supposed to be. I wasn't sure who I was supposed to be in Christ.
After high school all of that changed. I am finally comfortable in my own skin. I like who I am now. I know who I am. I have confidence in my intelligence and my ability to not only be a mother but also the mother who teaches her kiddos. Then I start thinking about high school and old insecurities come back. Here I am, a grown woman with five children, happily married for almost 18 years; and the thought of high school intimidates me. Funny huh?
I want to go to the reunion. It was actually the topic of discussion with my Robert on our last date night. There are some people that I would like to see. Then I think about high school. Then I start to feel insecure again and wonder if I should go? I start to panic thinking that I need to loose at least 40 pounds. Then I start to think about how I now have lines around my eyes and around my mouth. Then I start wonder if I even showed up if anyone would want to talk to me or if they would only want to talk to Robert. Then I start to think that if I don't show up I doubt if anyone would miss me. Then I look in the mirror and see who I am now and wonder why I feel insecure in the first place.
I know that we have time to plan if we will go to the reunion. But for now I will wonder how in the world I can honestly say I remember 20 years ago when I was in high school. I will wonder how on earth I can have a daughter that will be a sophomore in high school very soon. I will ponder how Robert and I will be celebrating 21 years together with 18 of them being married. And I will seriously consider going to my high school reunion; 40 pounds over weight, wrinkles around my mouth and eyes, and secure in who I am as a proud wife and mother.
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